Nothing Heals Me Like You Do
by jannikajade
Summary: An engagement announcement sends 26 year old Casey Macdonald exploring things she thought she was done with forever. DASEY. Complete.
1. Phone Calls

**Author's note:** I have never in my life been so motivated about fanfiction as I am about Daseys. Maybe its all the Sexual tension. I just keep getting story ideas. This one should be LONG. The first chapter is set ten years into the future, but there will be plently of flashbacks. Enjoy.

**Disclaimer: **Don't own Life with Derek.

* * *

January 30th 2017

_Mr. and Mrs. Lucas Connell of Toronto are pleased to announce the engagement of their daughter, Vanessa Connell, to Derek Venturi son of George Venturi and Abby Monroe and step-son of Gretchen Venturi, all of London, ON. The bride is a 2014 graduate of Trent University, where she received a B.A. in psychology. She is currently attending graduate school at the University in the hopes of getting her PhD. The Groom is a 2012 graduate of Trent University, where he received a B.A. in advertising. He is currently employed at McMillian and Associates. A July 2017 wedding is planned._

* * *

By the tenth time Casey Macdonald read through the announcement, she was pleased to discover it no longer gave her the urge to throw-up; as she had literally done the first time she saw it, early that morning. She wasn't sure which was worse, the fact that Derek was getting married and she hadn't known anything about it, or the fact that the announcement made no mention of her mother. Casey's mother had died in a car accident five years ago now, when Casey and Derek were twenty-one. Her step-father, George, had remarried last spring. She spent all day at work zoning out, thinking about the time she spent with Derek, about the things they said to each other when they were young. Now, after coming home and rereading the announcement, she took a few deep breathes and prepared to make some phone calls.

George answered on the second ring.

"Hello?"

"Hi George, its Casey." she said, she heard him suck in his breath on the other end of the line.

"You saw it?" He asked.

"Of course I saw it." she said.

"I'm sorry Casey." He sighed.

"How could leave my mother out?" She asked.

"Casey, it was just, I know that, you must be upset but," he rambled, then took a long breath to steady himself, "The Connell's didn't think it was wise to list three mothers for Derek, they said it cluttered up the announcement, they though it would confuse people, so since Abby his biological mother, and since Gretchen is my wife now-"

"And since my mother is dead." Casey spat, cutting him off, "God it makes so much sense now- wouldn't want to confuse people, so leave out the dead one."

"Don't be like that Casey." he said.

"It's disrespectful George." She said, furious.

"They're nice people Casey, they really are, and it's been five years." He said warily.

"So we should just move on, we should just forget she existed?" She seethed.

"No one is saying that," he said.

"It sure sounds that way to me. What I don't understand, is how Gretchen, who you didn't marry till Derek was 25, who has met him what- three times? Get listed as his step mother. That's not right." She said.

"Three times huh?" George said, "That's twice more than you've seen my son this year. If you want attack people, why don't you call him? Take your anger out on who you're really upset with. I don't have time for this tonight." He said, and then hung up. She sighed. Still fuming, she dialed another number. She wanted the truth about this Vanessa girl, this whole Connell family.

Marti answered instantly.

"Hi Casey!" she shouted. At 16 Marti was still full of energy and she never failed to make Casey smile.

"Hey Marti." Casey said.

"Guess what?" Marti asked, "I told you about the spring musical right?"

"Sound of Music?" Casey asked.

"Right. Parts were posted today! I'm Maria!" Marti said, sounding triumphant.

"Congratulations!" Casey said, Marti had become quite a good actress as she got older,

turning her love of imaginary friends into a talent.

"You'll come right? April 20th?" Marti asked.

"Wouldn't miss it." Casey said truthfully.

"So, you called about Derek didn't you?" Marti asked.

"I saw the engagement announcement in today's paper." Casey admitted.

"I figured. I'm sorry Casey." Marti said.

"Your dad says they're nice people. What do you think?" Casey asked.

"Well." Marti began, then hesitated, "they're nice enough I guess." she said.

"What does that mean?" Casey asked, "Would I like them? Would I like her?"

"Of course not," Marti laughed, "she's marrying Derek, she could have cured cancer and you'd hate her." That was the other thing that hadn't changed about Marti, her perception. She saw things for how they were, which was why Casey trusted her opinion.

"Fair enough," she said knowing better than to try and deny anything, "well do you like them?"

"I guess. I don't really know them. I was surprised to hear Derek asked her to marry him, he didn't even tell me he was going to do it first." Marti said, sounding a little hurt, "she's pretty, actually she kind of looks like you, brown hair, big blue eyes. She's an only child and I get the feeling they have money." Marti finished.

"She looks like me?" Casey asked, not even registering the rest of what Marti said.

"A little." Marti said, and Casey could hear the smirk in her voice, "I gotta go Casey, but

I'll call you if I learn anything else."

"Bye Marti." Casey said. Sometimes Casey was a bit unnerved by how much Marti understood. She often suspected Derek and told her stories over the years. Everyone else seemed to just have suspicions about her and Derek; Marti always spoke as though it were fact. Shaking her head, she dialed another number.

Lizzie's phone went straight to voice mail, so smiling, she dialed Edwin. He answered on the third ring.

"What's up Casey?" He said.

"Hey Edwin, is my sister there?" Casey asked.

"Isn't she always?" Edwin asked, "You need her?"

"Actually I wanted to talk to both of you. Are you busy? I can call back." Casey offered.

"Nah, I'm studying and Lizzie's looking over some soccer stuff. Give me just a second and I'll put you on speaker phone." Edwin said. Casey heard a click then her younger sister's voice,

"Hi Casey!" Lizzie shouted.

"Hey Liz." Casey said, "So did you guys see today's paper?" She asked. There was an uncomfortable silence on the other end of the line,

"Casey I-" Edwin began.

"Don't apologize again." Lizzie cut him off, "He's been apologizing all damn day, as though it's at all his fault." she said.

"Will you please just be quiet and let me talk woman? I need to say this to Casey." Edwin said. Casey laughed. She could picture them, curled up on the cheap couch in Edwin's apartment, surrounded by text books and soccer balls, Lizzie hitting him and Edwin shushing her. They were best friends and they sometimes behaved at twenty-two much they way they had at twelve "Nora was more of a mother to me than my own mother, and I'm hurt and shocked by all this too. I'm sorry Casey." Edwin finished.

"That's really sweet Edwin, thank you." Casey said, "You ok Lizzie?"

"Yeah, I mean it sucks, but I'm used to it. You should be too Casey. You should also not spend hours of your time hating Vanessa. It won't do you any good." Lizzie said. Not for the first time, Casey wished she could be as laid-back and logical as Lizzie.

"Have either of you met her?" Casey asked.

"Nope" Lizzie and Edwin said in unison. Casey sighed and laughed with them.

"Hey Casey?" Edwin asked.

"Yes?"

"Call him." Edwin said.

"_Easier said than done,"_ Casey thought.


	2. Post it Confessions

**Author's Note**: Last chapter I stated the date was 2117. It was pointed out to me that this infact 110 years in the future, not 10 years like I wanted. Stupid typo. Thank you to Rose for pointing that out. :-) (Things like that make me think I really should get a beta.) Anyway thank you all so much for the reviews to the last chapter. They made me a happy girl!

I hope you guys like this chapter. There are a few episdoes of LwD I actually havn't seen, so if anything I say isn't canon accurate thats why. Please let me know if there is anything I need to change. Italics indicate a flashback.

**Disclaimer: **Last night a little fairy came into my room and granted me the rights to Life With Derek. Its true.

* * *

Casey poured herself a cup of coffee and sat down on her recliner, thinking about Derek. Looking back, she couldn't really pin point when it started, she didn't remember the first time her annoyance was mixed with attraction, or the first time flash of gratitude also contained longing. She knew it must have been pretty soon after they moved in. After that party they got locked in the bathroom maybe? It was all fuzzy, mostly because she'd spent so much time denying it.

Then, after that disastrous dinner with her father, when Derek called him back for her, things changed a little. That night got her thinking about all the times they'd actually been nice to each other, and she wondered why it was they fought as much as they did. So she'd done some research, and then marched to Derek's room with a plan.

"_Derek, I've been thinking," Casey said entering his room with out bothering to knock._

"_Hope you didn't strain yourself." He said glaring at her, "is there a reason you're in my room?"_

"_Shut up, I'm trying to be sincere here, I want to talk to you." she said._

"_What?" he asked warily._

"_The other day Marti asked me why we fight so much." Casey said. This was true; she had spent half an hour the week before reassuring Marti that she didn't really hate Derek._

"_I don't know what I did this time, but if you're expecting an apology of some sort-"_

"_I'm not" She cut him off, "Its just we are siblings-"_

"_step-siblings," he corrected, looking annoyed._

"_Whatever. The thing is I thought it might be nice if we made more of an effort to get along." She said._

"_Nope. Impossible. Nice talking to you." He said, spinning away from her on his computer chair. Casey threw up her arms in frustration. She didn't know why she had even bothered. She stormed back to her room, and was about to slam the door, when she saw that Derek had followed her. She glared at him._

"_Lame, Casey. I don't get a real come back? Where's the fun in that?" he asked, trademark smirk in place._

"_I was TRYING to have a serious conversation with you." she informed him._

"_Why?" he asked. She rolled her eyes._

"_Because we're selfish. Do you realize this entire house revolves around our fights?" She asked._

"_So?" he asked, letting himself into her room and sitting down on her bed. _

"_So, we can get along if we try you know, there have been times when were surprisingly nice to each other." She said._

"_I was under contract." He said. _

"_I'm not talking about the 'be nice clause', I'm talking about you calling my dad back, or me keeping you from getting expelled." she said. _

"_What's your point Casey?" he asked, looking guarded._

"_I just think, in an effort to get along more often, and save our families sanity, we should try something." she explained._

"_I'm listening," he said. She took a deep breath, knowing he'd fight her on what she about to suggest._

"_Every day, you and I will tell each other something about ourselves. Reveal things. The idea being, that the more we know about each other that we didn't know before, the less we will fight." She said._

"_Is this Pete's idea?" he asked, rolling his eyes and standing up._

"_You mean Paul? No its not. I looked it up online." She said, mildly comforted by the fact that he hadn't run from her room._

"_Where at he quipped, rolling his eyes at her._

"_Something like that," She said, "Will you try it?"_

"_Casey I really don't see-" he began._

"_Marti said sometimes when we fight she goes in room and hides her head in her pillows and cries!" Casey said quickly interrupting him. She knew it wasn't right to use Marti's words against Derek, but this had become important to her, and she knew Marti might soften him._

"_Cries?" he asked, looking alarmed._

"_Cries." Casey confirmed, feeling triumphant._

"_Fine. I'll do it," he said, "But just for the record Casey, using Marti against me is low." he said then started to walk out of the room._

"_Wait!" she called, he turned, "You have to tell me something about you I don't know." _

"_We're starting now?" he asked clearly annoyed._

"_Yes now." she said_

"_You first then," he challenged. There was a long pause as Casey racked her brain to think of something to tell him that would start this plan off on the right foot._

"_At my first dance recital, I fell off the stage," she said. Derek cracked up._

"_Not surprising. Klutzilla from birth huh?" he asked still laughing. She laughed too; at least he wasn't glaring at her anymore._

"_Ok, Your turn." She said, smiling. He looked thoughtful._

"_My first hockey game," he began, then paused and ran a hand through his hair, "I scored the winning goal, for the other team." _

"_Aww!" Casey said, laughing, "Did you cry?"_

"_No! I was a very manly five!" He said. She shot him a look of disbelief, "Fine," he said, "I cried the whole way home."_

"_Aww, see Derek? I hate you less already." she said._

"_Whatever. Are we done now?" he asked, but he was smiling._

"_For today." she said. _

The first few days, they'd exchanged basics; Casey's favorite color was orange, Derek's was green, in Grade three Casey had her tonsils out, in Grade 4 Derek broke his arm and was out an entire hockey season. Then one day three weeks after they'd begun, Casey stayed out late at Emily's and didn't get home till the rest of the house was asleep. She assumed she and Derek would just skip their exchange for that day, but when she got to her room, she found a post-it stuck to her computer screen.

_I'm afraid of bats. They're like mice with wings._

She was pleasantly surprised, so smiling she grabbed a sheet of paper and wrote,

_I'm terrified of needles. _

and stuck it under his door. From then on no matter if they saw each other that day or not, the daily exchange was always done on post-its or pieces of scrap paper. They'd stick them all over the place, computer monitors, doors, mirrors, pillows. For some reason, it was easier on both of them that way. It seemed less forced, and they relaxed a little admitting more and more. Casey still had every single confession of Derek's. She'd saved them all; she had shoe boxes stuffed to the brim with them. Even now, when they hadn't really spoken in years, she hadn't been able to bring herself to throw them away. They were like little pieces of Derek himself.

_Once I turned the water heater up in my fish tank. I just wanted to see what would happen, I ended up boiling my gold fish. It was traumatic._

That had made Casey smile, thinking of little Derek so upset over killing his fish. There were a lot like that, little stories from his childhood, especially in the beginning. Later, they started to be more personal.

_I know Edwin's smarter than I am. It doesn't bother me really; I just sometimes wish everyone didn't act like it all the time. The constant rubbing it in gets a little old._

_

* * *

_

_If any guy ever treated Marti or even Lizzie the way I treat girls, I'd kill him. _

There were some that carried slight insults. 

_You know that headband of yours that missing? That pink and blue checked one? Well I stole it. I gave it to Marti, it looks better on her anyway._

She remembered confronting him after that one. They normally didn't talk about their notes, but she had to know why he stole her headband. He'd just shrugged, 

"_Sam used to go on and on about how good you looked in it. How it brought out your eyes when you wore it. It was revolting." _

She'd been annoyed by this, but she'd let it go. Amazingly they really were getting along a little better. They would watch movies in peace, study in companionable silence, and even their fighting, was more of banter than the all out brawl it had been before. After two months or so, Casey realized she spend all day looking forward to Derek's post-it confessions. She would sit in math class and think of what to tell him. It had become one of the highlights of her day.

Three months in, they started confessing bits of their romantic pasts.

_My first kiss was in grade 6. Susie Reynolds. Recess._

* * *

_I had this huge crush on my grade 8 English teacher. The last day of school I brought her flowers. She kissed my cheek. I was one happy 14-year-old. _

Then one day, almost four months after their exchange had begun, they began to get flirty. With out talking about it, with out anything changing on the outside, they both, on the same day confessed similar things.

Stuck to her mirror was a note that read:

_You know your babe raider outfit? I didn't really make me sick. You looked really hot. Really hot._

She had put a note in his jacket pocket that morning:

_I think you look sexy in your leather jacket. _

That was when things really began to change.

* * *

Hope you guys enjoyed it. 


	3. Friends or Something

**Author's Note:** Wow. First of all, thank you all SO much for the amazing reviews i recieved for the last chapter. It made me very happy. I hope you guys like this chapter, it doesn't answer most of the questions you guys asked, but something very important does take place.

Enjoy.

**Disclaimer:** People who own shows, don't write fanfiction.

* * *

Then it became a game. There were long looks and quick little glances, there were touches at any excuse and of course, there were little post-it confessions, but there were no spoken words and no dramatic actions were taken. It was maddening, but it was exhilarating. Casey remembered those weeks as giddy and exciting; she never knew what note she'd find, or when and where she and Derek would contrive some excuse to touch one another, nor could she predict the moments that would cause them lock gazes so intensely it gave her chills.

_Sometimes I flip the lever on the air vent and listen to you sing or gossip on the phone. _

This was on her pillow the day they 'accidentally' bumped into each other six times, hugged four times and sat so close their legs were touching twice.

_You know how I just burst into your room a lot? I'm always secretly hoping you'll be changing or something. _

This one which made her blush about ten shades of red, was left on her computer keyboard. That day there were seven bumps, five handshakes, two hugs, and, at breakfast, Derek rested his hand on her knee.

_There have been times, when after fighting with you; I've had to take a cold shower. _

She found this in her jewelry box, and her draw dropped, but then she smiled and shook her head. That day brought twelve bumps, six hugs, four high-fives, and a moment in the upstairs hall, when Derek brushed past her and placed his hand on the small of her back.

_That fight I got into a few weeks ago with that Greg Harris kid? It wasn't really about hockey. I heard him talking about asking you out. So I punched him. Sorry bout that. _

He put this on her alarm clock. She found it right before bed, and by the next morning she and Derek were both in such good moods that Lizzie and Edwin questioned them.

_Casey was in the kitchen making chocolate chip pancakes and humming, "na na na na na" cheerfully when Derek walked in._

"_Chocolate chip? For me?" He asked grinning, then he paused, "wait, you didn't do something to damage my reputation at school did you?" he asked, referring back to the last time she'd made him pancakes._

"_No." she said smiling, "Hockey playoffs, I figured you could use them, I know how nervous you get. They're not just for you though, they're for everyone." He smiled,_

"_Thanks Case," and then, to the amazement of everyone in the kitchen, he started to help her, putting away the ingredients she'd already used. They both hummed the same "na na na na" as they worked until Lizzie burst out,_

"_What is up with you two?" she asked, "Are you humming that D-rock song?"_

"_And you're working together! And you haven't insulted each other all morning! Are you guys friends now or something?" Edwin asked, clearly puzzled._

"_No!" they both said at once. _

"_So you've both gone crazy then?" Edwin asked._

"_I don't insult people who make me food." Derek said._

"_You insult everyone all the time." Lizzie said, rolling her eyes._

"_And I just don't want Derek all freaked out like he gets. You should be thanking me Edwin; maybe the pancakes will help keep your head from being used as a target." Casey said._

"_Don't count on it." Derek said giving his younger brother a menacing glare. Edwin stopped asking questions. Lizzie looked like she had something else to ask, but before she could, Marti came barreling down the stairs._

"_PANCAKES!" She yelled, running into the kitchen brining her usual whirlwind of activity, and all questions about Derek and Casey's behavior was dropped. For then._

The memory of that morning was one of Casey's favorites, although she'd never been able to pinpoint exactly why. Maybe it was because she and Derek had eaten those pancakes sitting on stools looking calm while their feet played an elaborate game of footsie. Maybe it was because he later told her they were the best pancakes he'd ever eaten. Maybe it was because despite their reflexive "no" to Edwin, she knew they had become "friends, or something." Maybe it was because that morning was the last chapter in their game; that night, everything changed again.

_Casey stayed a little late after school to go over some project notes with her English group. She came home to find Derek sitting on her bed._

"_Derek what-?" She began._

"_Close the door." he said, smirking at her. Curious, she did as he said and pushed the door to her room closed. When she turned back around, Derek had attached a post -it to his head. In big red letters it declared:_

"_I really want to kiss you. Right now." _

_She giggled and walked towards him,_

"_Smooth Derek, very smooth." she said, taking the post-it off his head, and sitting next to him on the bed._

"_What can I say? I'm good like that." he said, reaching out to cup her cheek with his hand. Then he leaned forward and kissed her. It was a slow kiss, sweet and innocent, and when they broke apart they grinned at each other. When they leaned back in a few seconds later, it was a longer kiss, filled with more passion and fire. Their lips opened to each other and the kiss deepened as their tongues tasted each others mouths. His hands snaked around her back and her hands moved to wrap around his neck. They didn't detach themselves from this position, although they did let their hands explore a little, until half and hour later when they were called down to dinner. _

Her cell phone rang and she jumped. She had been so lost in memories of Derek and their first kiss that she had lost all sense of time. Looking down she saw that it had gotten to be almost eight o'clock, she reached for her phone. The screen identified the caller as Lucas, her current boyfriend, and she sighed and hit ignore. She wasn't in the mood to talk.

She got up to pour herself another cup of coffee and throw some dinner in the oven when something caught her eye. Sitting on her desk was a stack of yellow post-it notes. She paused, and smiled, getting an idea. She walked over to the desk and pulled off a post-it. She wrote.

_I found out today that one of the best friends I've ever had is getting married to someone I've never met. This makes me feel like a terrible friend for not keeping in better contact with such an important person. I hope he forgives me. _

Then she placed it in an envelope and addressed it to Derek. She placed a stamp in the corner and ran to place it in the mailbox before she chickened out and changed her mind. Another post-it, another confession, she'd sent a message in their language, now she could only hope he'd respond.

* * *

End Chapter. :-) 


	4. Nostalgia

**Author's Note:** Wow. There are 65 reviews for the first three chapters of this fic. I'm so overwhelmed by that. Thank you all so much. I'm having a lot of fun with this story, and its so amazing to see that people like it.

This chapter is from Derek's PoV. I originally was going to make them all from Casey's, but I always really like writing Derek and it fit well with the stories I wanted to tell in this chapter. There are mentions of sex in this chapter, and a few mild(very mild) swears. It's rated T for a reason. Just an FYI. Enjoy.

**Disclaimer:** Sadly, I still don't own Life with Derek. Not only that, but Michael Seater has yet to show up n my front porch. Very sad.

* * *

_"I found out today that one of the best friends I've ever had is getting married to someone I've never met. This makes me feel like a terrible friend for not keeping in better contact with such an important person. I hope he forgives me. "_

The mail had come at noon and by one on that Saturday, Derek had read Casey's post-it at least fifty times. He paced the floor glad that Vanessa was away with her parents for the weekend. He needed to be alone with his thoughts. Casey had seen the announcement. He knew she would, and he'd been hoping she would contact him. He even had the fantasy conversation all worked out in his head.

She would call, irate about Nora's absence, she would be filled with the righteous indignation she was so good at. She would scream at him, and he would rise to the occasion, snapping back that he had wanted Nora included, he had fought for it, but he'd been out voted. Of course she wouldn't take this excuse. She'd tell him that was weak; she'd tell him he should have tried harder. He'd know she was right but fight back anyway. They would bicker and fight until all he would want to do was meet her somewhere and-

He shook his head. He was an engaged man. He shouldn't be having thoughts like that and he knew it. Besides, Casey hadn't called him irate. She'd sent a post-it. It always came back to those damn post-it notes with them. The note in his hand now, in Casey's scrawl, unchanged over the years, made him nostalgic. He smiled remembering the days when they'd spend hours together, talking, making out, just being together and still leave each other a post-it thought at the day's end. It seemed to Derek like every important conversation they'd had and every important moment in their relationship had been sparked by something confessed on a little piece of paper.

_Sometimes I worry that this is wrong._

She'd written one night, a few weeks in. They'd spent the past few hours together, and when Derek had gone into the bathroom to wash up, she'd stuck this note on his bed. He read it, turned around, and headed back to her room.

"_Casey." he called from her doorway. She looked up at him sheepishly._

"_Come in." she said gesturing to her bed. _

"_Wrong?" he asked_

"_Well, I mean we are Step-siblings, and we can't tell anyone, and where can it go? And maybe its immoral, I don't know Derek I-"_

"_Casey." he said, cutting her off. "I know I'm not exactly known for my high morals, but this is not wrong. Our parents have been married for all of what? A year? It's not like we grew up as siblings. You are not my sister." He stopped to look at her, "Are you having fun?" he asked._

"_Yeah but-" She began._

"_Good. Me too. That's all that matters then Casey." he said._

"_But Derek, we can't-" she started, but Derek cut her off again._

"_Screw other people. We don't need them. I like being with you. I like kissing you. I like just spending time with you. This is a good thing." He said._

"_I like being with you too," she admitted. He grinned._

"_See? Problem solved." He said._

"_I'm not sure it's that simple." She said._

"_It is if we let it be." he said. She sighed._

"_You're impossible." she said._

"_Part of my charm." he said, leaning in to kiss her._

She was right of course, it hadn't been that simple, but it was a long time before it got more complicated. So long that Derek had deluded himself into thinking it would always be that simple. For awhile, things worked so well that outside world really didn't seem to matter. They existed in a world of their own. A world of secret smiles and hand grabs under dinner tables, a world of inside jokes and of post-it note confessions.

_I'm a virgin._

Two months in, after a serious make-out session, one that could have easily gone further, Derek found this note on his dresser. He smiled, he had assumed as much, and he was pretty sure Casey knew that. She wasn't really telling him. She was asking him. So he picked up a pen and a post-it and answered her unwritten question.

_I know that if you listen to some of the rumors around school, you'd think I'd been with like fifty girls. I also know I don't do anything to stop these rumors; in fact I've probably encouraged them. But in truth-it's been three. And before you ask, I have no problem waiting till you're ready. _

He had shoved it under her door, and a few minutes later she'd come into his room, hugged him, and then turned and left. He really didn't mind waiting, he had slept with Kendra almost instantly, and it certainly had done them any good. One of his favorite things about Casey was that she didn't make anything easy. She was a constant challenge and he liked that. They still fought, and not just for appearances sake, they fought because they often genuinely annoyed each other.

"_Look Casey. I said I was sorry. What else do you want?" He said crossing his arms over his chest._

"_Yeah but you don't mean it. You're only apologizing because you got caught!" she spat._

"_You act like I was committing murder. I was giving my brother a gift." he said, rolling his eyes._

"_Oh yes, because passing down your dirty magazines to Edwin makes you big brother of the year." She spat._

"_He's a growing boy. He needs entertainment." Derek defended._

"_That's called corruption Derek." She said._

"_I hate to break this to you Casey, but he's not seven. He's thirteen. Trust me on this, he's corrupted already. All thirteen year old boys are." Derek said, smirking._

"_Just because your hormones have been raging since birth does not mean that Edwin's are." she said._

"_Oh come on. Have you spoken to Ed? The kid is a walking hormone." Derek said._

"_Well there's no need to encourage it!" Casey yelled._

"_That's what big brother's are for." he spat back._

"_No, a good brother, Derek, is for support, and for being a positive role model!" She said._

"_Do you even hear yourself sometimes Casey? They're just magazines." he said, disgusted._

"_No, they're filth!" she said._

'_Well, tell you what Casey. Why don't you write a letter to the publisher of every one of those magazines, and tell them you think they publish filth. Maybe then you can rid the world of it, and teenage boys will have to resort to the internet." He said, smirking again. She threw up her arms in frustration. _

"_You're so maddening!" She screeched, running up the stairs. He laughed._

"_Right back at ya Case." he said._

—

"_I'm still mad at you." she said later that night as the snuggled up in his bed, but she was smiling. _

"_Yeah, yeah. Shut up and kiss me woman." he said. She smacked him, and then complied. _

Derek sighed. He rubbed his eyes with his palms warily. His eyes drifted over to a stack of post-its on the hall table. He picked them up gingerly. He had no idea how to answer her, but he knew he had to.

* * *

Thanks for reading :-) 


	5. Complicated

**Author's Note: **I am truly overwhelmed by the response this story is getting. Thank you all so much for the wonderful reviews.

This is another Derek chapter. There are also more hints of LizWin fluff :-) Again, there are mentions of sex and mild swearing. Actually, that will probably be true for a every chapter from here on out. At least the mild swearing part. Hope you guys enjoy the chapter.

**Disclaimer: **Still not mine.

* * *

Derek stared at the stack of post-it notes intently as if the little yellow squares would give him the answer. He was hoping that if he stared at them long enough the perfect response to Casey would jump into his head. So far he'd had no luck, but he wasn't giving up. He was contemplating whether or not putting a pen next to the stack would help, when his cell phone rang.

"Edwin?" he asked picking up the phone. He hated to admit it, but he and Edwin didn't talk much. There had been a time, a few years ago, when he and Edwin had talked almost every day, but these days they seemed limited to a few phone calls a month.

"Hi Derek." Edwin said.

"What's up Ed?" Derek asked.

"I saw your engagement announcement in the paper. Congratulations man. So when do I get to meet this chick- OW!" he paused, "I mean this woman who I'm sure is very smart and whose attractiveness you've barely even noticed because you're so captivated by her wit?" Edwin finished, and then muttered, "Happy now?"

"Tell Lizzie I say 'hi'," Derek said laughing. It was nice to hear that some things never changed. He grinned when he heard Lizzie yell,

"Hey Derek!" in the background. It always made him smile to think of how inseparable those two had remained over the years.

"You know, you really shouldn't let her hit you like that." Derek said teasingly.

"What can I say? She's tough." Edwin said fondly, "so, when can we meet this Vanessa?"

"Well, she's actually been talking about wanting to meet you guys too. I've been meaning to call you. She wants to have a dinner, maybe next weekend? Saturday? Invite you and Liz, Dad and Gretchen, Marti and-" he paused, "Casey."

"Sounds good," Edwin said, "just let me know the details when you have them."

"Of course," Derek said, "So um, have you heard from Casey lately? Has she seen-?"

"No Derek." Edwin said cutting him off.

"No you haven't heard from her?" Derek asked.

"No, I'm not playing go between for you and Casey. I spent years doing it. We're all adults now, if you want to know what's up with Casey, call her-what?" he paused, listening to something Lizzie was saying, "Lizzie says that goes for her too, she also says that she's not inviting Casey to dinner for you, so don't even ask. We're not going to tell you what she said, and then call her and tell her what you said." Edwin finished.

"So you did talk to her?" Derek asked.

"Derek!" Edwin said sounding annoyed.

"Sorry" Derek said, "I see your point. I'll talk to her myself."

"Good." Edwin said, "I actually have to go in a minute. Lizzie's got a soccer practice to coach."

"Don't you guys ever do anything separately?" Derek asked, smiling again.

"Rarely." Edwin said, "Call me when you have details about dinner."

"Will do." Derek replied, "Have a good day."

"Talk to you later Derek." Edwin said then hung up.

Derek glared at the post-it note stack again. He envied the easy closeness Edwin and Lizzie always had. Their friendship always seemed so uncomplicated, and even when he and Casey had been together, they'd been complicated. Always complicated.

"_Emily saw you Derek! She said Krista was all over you. Whispering in your ear and running her slutty hands up and down your chest!" Casey yelled. _

"_Come on! I haven't even really looked at another girl in a year and you know it. What was I supposed to do Casey? Push her away?" Derek asked, annoyed. It was the spring of 11th grade, they had been together for almost a year now, and things like who to tell and who to keep it a secret from where becoming increasingly complicated._

"_No! But you didn't have to encourage her either!" Casey yelled._

"_You're the one who said we should keep up appearances at school remember? Pretend like everything was normal? And Derek Venturi doesn't push girls away." He said, smirking._

"_Of course not. He loves girls, the sluttier the better right? Wouldn't want to damage your precious reputation!" she said. _

"_She's not that slutty. God Casey, why are you acting like I had sex with her the janitor's closet? I was just talking to the girl." he said, annoyed._

"_Talking?" she said, "or making plans to meet her later? Not that slutty? Don't defend her Derek!" Casey screeched._

"_As far as most of the student body knows I'm a single guy, she was just flirting, there's not really any crime in that." he said, not bothering to dignify her 'meet her later' comment with a response. _

"_Right because you love girls like that don't you? Girls who love sex and aren't afraid to ask for it, girls who just put it all out there." Casey asked hands on her hips._

"_We're not having this conversation. I am not going to stand here and take this. Your insecurities are not my fault!" he yelled. He turned and left her room. He stomped to his room and slammed the door. He knew he shouldn't have just left mid fight like that, but he was tired of her jealously. _

_They'd had sex for the first time that winter. She told him she was ready, on a post-it of course, and he thought it had been perfect. He wondered later though, when he let himself think about such things, if she'd really been ready, or if she had felt like she had to. He'd asked her that, and she'd denied it, but ever since then she'd been paranoid. He wouldn't have thought she was the type to get this way, but today wasn't the first time they'd had a variation of the same argument. He had offered to tell everyone in an attempt to pacify her, but she'd scoffed at him. Emily and her boyfriend Trevor knew, Sam knew, Paul the guidance counselor knew, and Marti knew, because Derek had told her, but for the most part people were just suspicious. He was pretty sure most people knew more then they let on, but he didn't question them._

_He sighed, flopping down on his bed and burying his head in his hands. She was so frustrating sometimes. He flipped the switch on his vent to see if she had called Emily to bitch about him. She hadn't. She was crying, sobbing really. He groaned, now he felt really bad about leaving. He got up and grabbed a post-it note from his desk: _

"_I thought you knew this already, but after today's fight, I think somehow you might not know. I love you Casey. There are no other girls, and I don't want there to be ok? I only want you. You make me crazy, but I love you."_

_He'd never told her that before, but he thought his actions showed it, he thought she had to know, but listening to her sobbing like that, he figured she might need to hear it. So he made it that day's post it confession. In their world, things seemed to carry more weight if they were written on a post-it. He shook his head at what a sap he'd become and knocked on her door. _

"_Go away Derek!" she yelled. He sighed, then knelt down and shoved the post-it under her door. He heard her sniff then get up and walk to the door. He heard her pick up the note, and then her sharp intake of breath as she read it. She threw open the door, her face was tear stained but she was smiling._

"_Really?" she asked him._

"_Yes really." he said, "I love you." _

"_I love you too." she said._

"_Good." he said, "I was hoping you'd say that."_

Always post-its. Derek was pretty sure they were a large reason the post-it people were so successful. They most have used a forest in post-it notes over the years. Even now, he always made sure he had some around. He supposed normal people did things like use the phone, but he and Casey had never been normal. Inspired he picked up a note from the stack in front of him and wrote:

"_I'm engaged to a woman that one of my best friends has never met. Cleary I need to see this friend more often. I'm hoping she'll come to dinner next Saturday and meet my fiancé."_

Vanessa would be surprised by his sudden agreement to a dinner he'd been putting off for weeks now, but she was right, it was time she met his family. And as far as Vanessa knew, that was all Casey was, his ex step-sister. He'd never told her any different. He sighed putting the post-it in an envelope and addressing it to Casey. He was a little nervous that having Casey to dinner would make Vanessa suspicious, but he'd cross that bridge when he came to it.

* * *

End Chapter. 


	6. Irresistible tragedy

**Author's note: **I love each and every person who has read and reviewed this fic. I know I've said that in every author's note, but I really mean it. You guys are fantastic. So, I apologize in advance for the end of this chapter and the whole the next chapter. These will not be happy times for Derek and Casey. I hope that they answer a lot of questions for you guys though, they should.

I fall victim to Dasey fic cliché #56 in this chapter. Derek and/or Casey watch The Notebook. I always like this cliché though. Noah and Allie are so very Derek and Casey. I had to, besides the fluff of that moment softens the angst to come.

**Disclaimer:** LWD is not mine. The quote from The Notebook is not mine. Michael Seater is not mine. Sigh.

* * *

"_Well that's what we do, we fight... You tell me when I am being an arrogant son of a bitch and I tell you when you are a pain in the ass. Which you are, 99 of the time. I'm not afraid to hurt your feelings. You have like a 2 second rebound rate, then you're back doing the next pain-in-the-ass thing"_

_The Notebook._

* * *

Derek couldn't sleep that night. He found himself wide awake at three am just walking back and forth around his apartment. He didn't usually let himself think about the past, but tonight he was overwhelmed by it. He couldn't stop thinking about what it was like those first few years in university. When they had both applied and gotten accepted to Trent University, he'd been thrilled. That was fall of grade twelve, and they spent a large part of the rest of the year talking, and writing post-its about what it would be like. His Dad and Nora had been surprised that they both wanted to attend the same school, but they didn't question it. With Derek's hockey scholarship and Casey's academic one, they would have been crazy to complain.

Their dorm rooms at university were across campus from each other making it was the furthest apart they'd slept since meeting, but they were closer than ever. They enjoyed the freedom of just being high school sweethearts with out the baggage and stepsibling back story. When fall and spring break of freshman year with out them breaking up like most other couples, people stared placing bets on when they'd get engaged. By the spring of sophomore year they were something of a campus institution. Casey loved that most of the girls on campus knew better then do anything more then look at Derek. He was very taken and everyone knew it. Derek was relived he didn't have to threaten guys for asking her out, they all knew better. She was his, and everyone knew it.

They grew up and picked majors; advertising for him, political science for her. She came to his hockey games and he went to her dance competitions. They fought over stupid things and couldn't keep their hands off each other. He made her go out and have fun and she made him study more often. There were post-its of course, left in envelopes on dorm doors, snuck into pockets and placed on dressers mirrors and computers. As always, the notes were about everything. They ranged from mundane and everyday things like Casey's constant complains about her freshman year roommate:

_"I couldn't sleep at all last night, my roommate was on the damn phone till 3 am. Do you think my RA would mind if I killed her?"_

To potentially life altering things, like their pregnancy scare the fall of sophomore year:

_"I'm three weeks late and I'm scared." _

It had been a false alarm, but he'd sat with and held her hand while she took the test, promising that no matter what it said, they'd handle it together. She cried when it came back negative, and he'd held her till she fell asleep.

Junior year they lived in separate apartments in the same building. They spent most nights in Derek's apartment watching movies. He liked to make her watch violent ones with explosions, and she liked to make him watch girly ones, like _The Notebook._

"_See Derek, I told you they were like us!" Casey said as the credits rolled for The Notebook. They were in Derek's apartment, cuddled up on his sofa._

"_Right, only we're not from the states and its not 1947, and I'm not going to become a solider and your parents aren't rich, and your mom isn't going to conspire to keep us apart, well unless you count her marrying my Dad, but since that wasn't intentional-" He said smirking._

"_Shut up. I meant the way they treat each other. You know, how they fight, how she tells him when he's being an arrogant son of a bitch and he tells her when she's being a pain in the ass. You can't tell me that's not us." She said._

"_Eh. I guess." He shrugged. He agreed with her, but it was more fun to pretend he didn't see it. _

"_You are being difficult on purpose. It's romantic!" She paused thoughtfully, "If I went crazy and thought I hated you and screamed a lot and attacked people, would you still love me?" she asked._

"_Well I don't really see how they would be any different from now, so sure, why not?" he asked smiling._

"_You're terrible!" she said, smacking his chest. _

"_You love me," he said, a lazy smile on his features, "actually Case they're not like us at all if you think about it."_

"_How do you figure that?" she demanded._

"_There's not a single post-it note in that whole movie." he said, smirking again,_

"_He wrote her letters!" Casey said._

"_Not the same." he said._

"_You are just trying to ruin my romantic comparison!" she huffed. He laughed._

"_You know what part I did like?" he asked, "That part where they make out in the rain and then he carries her up the stairs and tears her clothes off, and slams her into walls and onto the bed. We could be like part," he said, raising his eyebrows suggestively. _

"_But Derek, its not raining, and we don't have stairs." she said grinning playfully._

"_You are just trying to ruin my sexy comparison." he said. She laughed._

"_You are so-" She paused._

"_Irresistible?" he suggested._

"_As much as admitting this makes me fear for my sanity, yes actually. Irresistible." she said, leaning over to kiss him._

"_I may not have rain and stairs, but I do have that nice bed," he said smiling against her lips._

"_I'll race you." she said. _

_-----_

They were one of those couples that made people sick. They were so happy together and they fit together so well. He honestly thought he would marry her one day. He had visions of their life together with a houseful of smart-ass brunette kids. He could pin point the exact second he'd started to doubt they'd live happily ever after. He could swear the air had changed the minute he'd begun to lose her, hell, everything had changed in that minute.

It was winter of junior year, they'd been arguing about something stupid, when the phone call had come. It was his dad, frantic, because Nora had been rushed to the hospital. There'd been an accident, a drunk driver, and Nora's car had been forced off the road and over a hillside. Derek was sure he broke several traffic laws driving to the hospital. It was a 56 kilometer drive but that night he and Casey were in the ER waiting room half an hour after he hung up with his father.

-----

_They sat in the ER in a tense silence. Marti was asleep on her dad's lap, Lizzie and Edwin sat next to each other, holding on to each other's hands so tightly their knuckles where white, and Derek was watching Casey stare out the window. She hadn't said more than two words since he'd told her about the accident. When a nurse came out to talk to them she jumped out of her seat. The rest of the family stood up slowly, Lizzie and Edwin were still side by side, and George held onto a now awake Marti. He seemed unwilling to let his youngest child go, even for a second. _

"_How is my mom doing? Will she be ok?" Casey demanded._

"_We're going to have to do some emergency surgery; we're prepping her for it now. The accident has caused an acute epidural hematoma," The nurse said looking deeply sympathetic._

"_What does that mean?" Lizzie asked quietly, still gripping Edwin's hand. _

"_It's a blood clot in the brain." She explained. Lizzie sucked in her breath sharply. _

"_Will she be ok?" George asked, repeating Casey's earlier question. He looked as pale and sick as Derek felt, and Marti's eyes look fearful. Even at ten she knew that didn't sound good. _

"_It isn't certain at this time, hopefully the surgery will alleviate some of the pressure to her brain, but I have to warn you, these types of injuries can be fatal." The nurse explained, "I'm so sorry. The surgery will take about three hours. We won't know any more till after that."_

_Casey shuddered and rocked back and forth. Derek reached out to put a steadying hand on her back, but she shrugged him off. They all sat back down, too stunned by what they had just heard to speak. Derek reached out for Casey's hand, but she pulled it away. She reached into her purse and pulled out a post-it. They both carried them constantly. You never knew when you'd need to confess something. In spite of the dread he felt, he smiled at this familiar gesture. She wrote:_

_"I've never been this scared in my entire life. I need to walk, to think. We have hours. I'm going to walk around the grounds."_

_He wanted to tell her he'd come with her, he wanted to tell her it was freezing out there, and that they could walk inside, find a chapel or a coffee shop or a library. He wanted to tell her he was scared too, and that he needed her there with him, but before he could say any of these things, she shook her head sadly at him. She stood up and put her coat on, then whispered,_

"_Alone,"_

_and walked out. He tried to tell himself as he watched her go that she was just coping in her own way. He told himself that she wasn't pushing him away, and that they'd get through this. He tried to pretend he didn't know, that some how, in the moment, everything had changed. He convinced himself that it would all be ok._

_He was wrong. _

_----------_

Derek slammed his fist into the wall.

"Fuck!" he cursed, seeing the hole he'd made. He'd have to fix that before Vanessa arrived home the next day. It seemed crazy to him that memories could still cause such a response. This was why he didn't think about those days, because it always led to this part or worse, the part right after. Those next few weeks had been hell, and he had no desire to relive them. His life with Vanessa was simple. She loved him and they never fought, they never even bickered or bantered. Their life together was harmonious and he liked that.

He had known the announcement would throw Casey back into his life, at least temporarily, but he hadn't expected to react this strongly to the idea of her, to be kept up all night by a dammed post-it note. It was insanity, and now he was beginning to regret inviting her to dinner on Saturday. If just thinking about her make him act like this, who knew what seeing her would do. He was in trouble.

* * *

End Chapter


	7. self destructive

-1**Author's Note: **I meant to get this chapter out last night, but yesterday was a really stressful day for me, so I ended up just collapsing in my bed after work. Sorry about that. Anyway- once again, I love you all for reading and reviewing. I'm still so overwhelmed by the response this story is getting. It warms my heart. For those asking, yes this is Dasey and yes, I am a happy ending kind of writer, it will just take them awhile to get there.

This is not a happy chapter. Seriously, it is bleak and depressing and angst filled. Casey is in a very low place. Very low. Just a warning.

**Disclaimer**: If I owned life With Derek Casey and Derek would have hooked up long ago and there would be no Kendra. But sadly, I'm just a fan.

* * *

Casey's hands trembled as she opened Derek's letter on Monday afternoon. She'd been afraid he wouldn't respond at all, and now that he had she was afraid his response would be angry, and remind her that it was almost entirely her fault that they didn't speak anymore. She took a deep breath and pulled the paper out of the envelope. A post-it note. She smiled slightly and turned it over to read the words in Derek's familiar handwriting:

"_I'm engaged to a woman that one of my best friends has never met. Cleary I need to see this friend more often. I'm hoping she'll come to dinner next Saturday and meet my fiancé."_

Her eyes filled with tears. He'd echoed her and said she was one of his best friends, and he'd invited her to dinner. She smiled. Dinner would be almost unbearablely awkward, but she'd go of course. She considered his inviting her as a sign that maybe, some day, they could get back a little piece of what they had. A little piece of the relationship she'd destroyed five years ago, in the most self destructive action of her life.

----------

_Her mother hadn't even made it through the surgery. The doctors had come back an hour and half later, and Derek had to run to find her on the hospital grounds. They'd said they were very sorry, but there was nothing they could do. _

_Casey had no real memories of the next few days. She had little snap shots, brief moments, but there were a lot of blanks. There were things she simply didn't remember, like getting home from the hospital that night, or getting dressed for the viewing or the funeral mass itself. If she closed her eyes she saw little things, Marti clinging to George's leg, looking much younger than her ten years, her hair falling out of its ponytail, and George too overwhelmed to fix it. She could see Lizzie and Edwin on a bench, possibly in the funeral parlor, just holding onto to one another, Edwin stroking Lizzie's hair while she cried. She could see Derek, his eyes haunted, making small talk with extended family, trying to be strong for everyone. She remembered Emily coming, at a loss for words, and just sitting with her hand on Casey's shoulder for awhile. She remembered Sam pulling her into a long hug, and then speaking with Derek in hushed tones. She remember Vicki whispering how sorry she was, and she could see the faces of other relatives, a blur of sympathetic faces saying how sorry for her loss they were. _

_She knew she had boarded herself up in her apartment afterwards. She stopped going to class, but while she' d never been sure, she suspected Derek had talked to her professors for her and explained about her mother's death. When she did go back eventually, they didn't penalize her for what she' d missed. She lost all sense of time, but she thought it had been about two weeks when Derek tried to make her talk tried to make her leave her room, and she ruined everything. He'd shown himself in like he'd been doing all along to make sure she was eating, but this time he didn't leave right away._

"_Casey, you have got to leave this room, you have classes to go to, a life to lead" Derek said, coming to sit on her bed. _

"_Go away Derek." she said. She didn't want to talk to anyone; she didn't want to do anything._

"_This isn't healthy, you have to go face the world again," he said gently._

"_Don't want to." she muttered._

"_Come on Case, you can't lie in this bed forever and you know it." he said. She sat up and looked at him._

"_No what I can't do is have you pity me, I don't need it." She said, suddenly irrationally angry at him. She hated him for being so calm, she hated how she'd let him be strong for her. She hated how he was in control when she felt she'd had lost control of everything._

"_That's not fair. I'm not pitying you; this is really hard for me too. I loved Nora, you know that." He said sadly._

"_Yes," Casey said acidly, "We loved her so much we kept a huge part of our lives hidden from her for years."_

"_She would have understood." he said, "in fact I think she suspected all along."  
_

"_Oh. Ok then." she said, "I have an idea, let's remember her by telling everyone. I'll call George right now, so he can give you a disgusted lecture."_

"_Stop it Casey. Don't do this." He said._

"_Do what?" she asked_

"_Push me away. It won't work. You can take your anger out on me all you want, I'm not going anywhere." he said. This infuriated her more. He saw right through her, he understood her, and she couldn't stand it. _

"_Don't be so cocky Derek; I think maybe we should tell everyone. I'm going to make a flyer and stick it all over campus, 'Derek Venturi and Casey Macdonald are step -siblings' and then everyone will judge us and the pressure will be so intense, we'll crack and break up!" she said, laughing crazily._

"_That doesn't even make sense. Do you hear yourself? That's crazy. I'm worried about you." he said, looking a little alarmed._

"_I'm so tired, will you please, just go away and leave me alone. I just want to be alone" she said with a long sigh._

"_I think you need company right now." he said seriously._

"_I don't need you." she said meanly._

"_Excuse me?" he asked, and she felt a sick thrill at the hurt on his face._

"_I don't need you and your good advice." she said, and then she went on hoping to hurt him more, she just wanted him gone, she wanted him to hurt as much as she did, so she said, "I need to sleep, and then maybe I need to go get drunk. I need to go out right? That's how people deal with shit like this; I'll go out flirt with guys that aren't you. Maybe fuck some of them." he winced at this, and again she felt that sick thrill, "Yes, self-destructive behavior, sounds like fun. Maybe I'll buy some drugs too, get high numb my pain." She finished, and again laughed crazily._

"_STOP." he said forcefully, "I already told you that I'm not going to let you push me away."_

"_Push you away?" she echoed and laughed bitterly, "I'm not pushing you away Derek. I'm breaking up with you." she said._

"_You don't mean that." he said, but his eyes looked scared._

"_Yes I do." she said_

"_Bullshit!" he said._

"_Fine Derek, you don't believe me?" she stood up and walked to her desk and grabbed a post -it and scribbled on it furiously, "I'll say it in a language I know you'll understand!" she spat and thrust the note in his face:_

"_I don't want to be with you anymore. We're done."_

"_You know what Casey?" he said now furious. She felt triumphant, she'd gotten to him, "I'm not just going to stand here and take this like I'm saint Derek, patron of men dealing with women having nervous break downs!" he yelled, standing up from her bed._

"_No one is asking you to. Go Derek. Just leave!" she said pointing towards her door._

"_Fine! You want me gone? I'm gone. Call me when you're done being a crazy bitch!" he said._

"_I wouldn't hold your breath for that call." she said. He shot her one last look of disbelief, then left her room and walked out the front door of her apartment, slamming it shut._

_As soon as she heard the door slam, she slid down her wall and wept. She regretted it instantly. She was alone now. Her mother was gone, and now she'd chased Derek away. _

_He called several times over the next few weeks, but she never picked up the phone, and she never called him back. She was convinced she deserved to be alone. _

_---------_

Casey swept an angry hand across her face to stop the tears that where rolling down her cheeks. It was the lowest moment in her entire life, and it had cost her more than she'd ever admit to herself, even now, years later.

* * *

End Chapter. Yeah. I told you it was bleak. Sorry 


	8. Without you

**Author's note: **All my reviewers are amazing. I love each and every one of you. Honestly, you guys make me so happy. This is an odd chapter, at least I think it is. Its also the longest chapter so far, and it should explain how Derek and Casey got into the relationships they're in now, and what they've been doing since they broke up. The big dinner is going to take up the next two chapters. Ok. Enjoy.

**Disclaimer:** Still not mine.

* * *

"_Casey swept an angry hand across her face to stop the tears that where rolling down her cheeks. It was the lowest moment in her entire life, and it had cost her more than she'd ever admit to herself, even now, years later_."

* * *

Her cell phone rang, and Casey took a long breath to calm her tears before answering.

"Hello?" she said shaking her head to clear it.

"Hey Casey," Marti said. Casey smiled.

"Hi Marti, what's up?" She asked.

"Derek said he invited you to that dinner thing on Saturday?" Marti asked.

"Um, yeah he did," Casey said looking down at the post-it note in her hand.

"Ok good. It's at five, at their place. Are you going to be able to make it?" She asked.

"Yes- I, Yes" Casey said, annoyed with herself for stuttering.

"Good. I'll tell him," Marti said then sighed, "Don't tell Lizzie and Edwin I'm doing this for you guys, they'd kill me."

"What?" Casey asked laughing.

"Something about you being adults now, and needing to work things out, and them not playing mediators anymore," Marti said, "But someone has to help the two of you. You're hopeless on your own."

"Thanks Marti," Casey said sarcastically, "I am not hopeless." She muttered, more to herself than to Marti.

"You're not going to bring that Lucas guy are you?" Marti asked changing the subject. Casey paused, it honestly hadn't occurred to her.

"Um, no. Probably not." she said truthfully.

"Good. I don't like him." Marti said bluntly.

"I've noticed," Casey said laughing, "Why not? He's a nice guy."

"I'm sure he is, but you aren't good together. He's so-" Marti paused, searching for the right word, "ordinary, polite, plain and boring,"

"He's not boring." Casey defended.

"Yeah, he is. It's almost like-" she began but stopped herself.

"Almost like what?" Casey asked.

"Never mind." Marti said quickly.

"No, tell me." Casey said.

"Fine," Marti sighed, "It's almost like you went out and found yourself an anti-Derek. Like you conducted interviews until you settled on the guy who had the least in common with Derek." she said.

"I don't, that's not-" Casey sputtered, "I don't even know what to say to that."

"Yeah, I know you don't. Forget I said anything Casey. I've gotta go." Marti said sounding weary.

"Ok," Casey said, still reeling from Marti's comment.

"I'll see you on Saturday. Five O'clock." Marti said.

"Bye Marti," Casey said.

"Bye." Marti said.

Casey's head was spinning as she hung up the phone. The post it, the flood pf memories, Saturday's dinner, Marti's accusation, it was all a bit overwhelming. Casey wondered, and not for the first time, exactly how much Marti knew about her and Derek. Marti had never asked what had gone on, and Casey never asked her what she knew, but she had to have at least have some idea. The trouble with Marti was that she always said things like that, little comments that were annoyingly true.

Not the conducting interviews part obviously, but the Lucas having nothing in common with Derek part, Casey had to admit Marti was right about that. She also knew that it wasn't entirely accidental.

--------

_The first thing Casey did, weeks later, when she was able to pull herself out of bed, was find another apartment. She knew she couldn't live in the same building with Derek now that they weren't together. She called around until she found a place on the opposite end of campus looking for a sub-leaser. The last thing she packed were her boxes of post-its. She saved them till the very last car trip across campus, and when she got to her new apartment, she put them far away, in the back of a dirty closet, behind unused fans and chair cushions. _

_She threw herself into her studies, partially to make up for all the time she'd missed, and partially to keep her from thinking about the past. She took summer classes and was able to graduate early. Exactly one year and one week after her mother's death, she found her first real job as an assistant at a downtown law firm. She worked 60 hour weeks and took night classes towards a master's degree. She wasn't home very often, and she made no attempts at dating or even new friendships. In the little spare time she did have, she wrote freelance articles for local political newspapers and magazines._

_When she finished her master's degree, journalism with an emphasis on politics, she was headhunted to a monthly Toronto area publication. Within a year her opinion piece on local issues was one of the most popular features in the magazine. Her work gave her the first real sense of peace and happiness she'd had since her mother died, and she relaxed a little. She started going out for after work drinks with some of the magazine staff and even to the occasional party with them on the weekends. It was at on of these parties, the launch of a new book by someone who'd once written for the magazine, that she met Lucas. He was an accountant who'd been childhood friends with the author. She'd been approached by many men in the years since her break-up with Derek, but she'd rejected them all: too cocky, too confident, too smooth, too damn much like Derek. When she met Lucas, she was relieved that he didn't say a single thing in the first hour of conversation that reminded her of Derek. _

_He was shy and serious; he loved his work and said he liked her column. He was polite, he held doors open for her, and he liked to see serious movies, and discuss art and literature. He hated sports, action movies and cheap restaurants. He liked expensive wine, and when he disagreed with her, he'd wait till she was finished talking, the politely and eloquently explain his point of view, never bashing hers. He liked to take long walks, and wanted to move to the suburbs some day, to raise one of those shockingly normal families. His parents were still married and he had a brother who was still in school, but who thought he wanted to be an engineer. _

_So Casey agreed to meet him for coffee the next day, and movie the week after that, and dinner the weekend after that, until they'd fallen into a relationship. It was easy really, simple and straightforward. She never put much thought into it. They'd been dating for a year when she brought him to George's wedding. He'd been the ideal date, smiling at her family, asking polite questions, and never once bothering her about why she kept shooting glances at the empty seats across from them, the ones marked "Derek Venturi and Guest." He'd laughed at all the right places when Edwin and Lizzie told stories from when they'd all lived in the same house, and hadn't even raised an eyebrow at Marti, whose hair had been bright purple for the occasion. _

_-----------_

Casey shook her head again. She felt like all she had done for the past few days was live in her memories. She had even fallen behind in her work. This was ridiculous. She and Derek had been over years ago, the mere mention of his name should not cause her this much stress. Suddenly she was struck by a hopeful thought. Maybe when she saw him, she'd feeling nothing. They would be friendly and polite to each other, but that would be it, and then she could back to her normal life, to her job and her boyfriend. Then she laughed at herself. Who was she kidding? She couldn't even handle thinking about him, seeing him was going to turn her world upside down. Dinner was going to be a nightmare.

----------------

Derek was driving home from work when his cell phone rang. Looking down at the caller ID, he smiled to see his little sister's name on the screen.

"Hi Marti." He said.

"Hi Derek." She said.

"What's up kid?" he asked affectionately.

"Well I just talked to her." Marti said.

"Casey?" he asked, hating the way his pulse sped up.

"Of course," Marti said, "I told her it's at five, and she said she'd be there."

"You're the best Smarti." He said sincerely, using his old nickname for her.

"I know it." She said cheerfully, "Oh! And she's not bringing that boyfriend of hers."

"You really don't like him do you?" Derek asked, smiling at his little sister's loyalty.

"Nope," she said, "I keep forgetting you didn't meet him. If you had come to dad's wedding like you were supposed to you would know what I mean." She said.

"Don't guilt me about that again, you know I feel terrible," he said groaning.

"Yeah, Yeah, there was snow storm, you couldn't back into Canada, airports out of Aspen shut-down, blah, blah, blah." she said mockingly.

"I was a victim of the weather." he said.

"Yeah and rich people who drag you off for ski weekends right before your father's wedding." Marti muttered.

"We've had this conversation a million times, I-" he began.

"Yeah I know, it was planned before Dad's spur-of-the-moment wedding, and those primo hotel rooms are hard to get. I know Derek, I know. I just wish you had been there. You don't even like skiing" she said sounding grumpy.

"It's their tradition." he said apologetically, "and it's not their fault it snowed that hard."

"Yeah, I know." She said sighing, "Hey Derek? Can I ask you a question?" she said.

"Of course," he said.

"Do you love her?" she asked.

"Vanessa?" he asked, then felt stupid for asking.

"Yes." she said.

"I'm marrying her." he said simply.

"That's not what I asked you." Marti said.

"She makes me happy, we get along really well, and we'll have a nice life" He said.

"Still not what I asked," she said.

"Yes. I do." he said, "I love her."

"Really?" Marti asked.

"Yes really, why would you even ask me that Smarti?" he asked, puzzled by this line of questions.

"Because, you say you're happy, and you say she's good for you, but you're not like you were, Smerek, and you don't talk about her they way you talked about-"

"All relationships are different." he said cutting her off before she finished the sentence. Marti sighed.

"Yeah, I guess so." she said.

"I am happy." he said, "Really I am."

"Ok. I've got play practice. I'll see you on Saturday." she said.

"Bye Marti." he said.

"Talk to you later Smerek." she said.

-------

Derek shook his head. Marti and her dammed questions. He didn't have to defend his relationship with Vanessa to her. So maybe it didn't have the passion of his relationship with Casey, but things with him and Casey had ended so badly, that he thought it had to be better this way. Besides, Casey had broken up with him; she'd shattered him, not the other way around.

-----------

_He stood at his window and watched her the day she moved out of the building. It had crushed him. Just destroyed him. He'd burned all the post-its he'd written her but hadn't yet had the courage to send. He'd been waiting, really hoping, until that moment, that she'd come back. Every time there was a knock on his door, every time his phone rang, he was convinced it was her-but it never was. _

_So he went out and got drunk. He put his old playboy Derek moves to use flirting with girls and using that old charm he'd had no need for in years. He was vicious on the hockey rink, getting penalized right and left for taking his anger out on the opposing teams. He studied hard then partied hard, trying to make it so his thoughts were always on school or nothing at all. Work hard, play hard that was the new Derek Venturi life plan. _

_When he graduated, he put his charm to use again, and was hired quickly at McMillian and Associates, a top Toronto area advertising firm. Advertising was filled with guys like him, and he soon had a band of buddies to spend his weekends with. He dated the same kind of girls he dated before Casey, vapid blondes who found him irresistible. Girls with cute names and cute giggles who wouldn't think of disagreeing with a word he said._

_He'd met Vanessa at a Trent Alumni event being held after a hockey match. He'd gone to cheer on his old team, and she'd been there, still an undergrad at the time, president of student council and alumni relations. She was smart and self-possessed, she had a quiet confidence, and while she seemed charmed by him, she hadn't fallen into bed with him instantly, which he'd respected. They began to date, he'd moved up quickly in his firm, and she'd graduated and moved on to graduate school, studying psychology. He stopped going out and partying, because he didn't need to. He had Vanessa, and she was enough._

_The moved in together a year after they started dating, and their life was quiet with very few complications. She was an only child, who found his stories of childhood amusing. Of course, he'd left out large chunks, but she didn't need to know that. She had adored Marti the time they'd met, and she always said she looked forward to meeting the rest of his family. She should have met them all at the wedding, but they'd been stuck in Aspen when a blizzard hit, and had been unable to get home. He had asked her to marry him because it made sense. She'd said yes and they'd gone out to romantic dinner. Simple. _

--------

Simple was nice, he liked it this way. He knew Marti meant well by her questions, but he thought he'd told her too much of what had gone between him and Casey. She knew too much, and she used it against him. She had once even accused him of missing the wedding to avoid Casey, and he'd been furious and told her the snow was not his fault, and he had in fact been looking forward to seeing Casey. That may have been a bit of an exaggeration, he wasn't exactly looking forward to seeing her, but he wasn't avoiding her either. He'd come to terms with their break-up. In some way, he understood why she'd acted the way she had, he didn't like it, but he understood. Maybe if they got a moment alone on Saturday, and if he was feeling confident, he'd tell her that. Maybe.

* * *

End chapter. I hope you guys liked it. Oh, for those wondering, yes. They are in serious denial about their current relationships and how happy they really are. Poor things. Maybe seeing each other will knock some sense into them:-P 


	9. an interesting adolescence

**Author's Note:** Sorry for the delay. I've been sick, and its so cold here (the high today was 8), that its hard to get better. I'm finally more up to things today.

Thank you to you all for the amazingly wonderful reviews. You guys make so happy. I'm so glad you all like grown up Marti and her crazy hair. I wasn't expecting to get so much response to that, it made me smile. She's back in this chapter, although her part isn't as big. She'll be very important again later.

This is the first half of the dinner, it's a Derek PoV chapter, the next will be Casey's. Two really huge things happen in the next chapter, so be ready :-P

Ok Enjoy.

Oh- one more thing, if for some reason you haven't seen Crushing The Coach, this chapter contains huge spoilers for that episode.

**Disclaimer:** Have I mentioned lately how sad I am that Michael Seater is not mine? Life With Derek is also not mine. Sad.

* * *

Vanessa was frantic. Derek watched in amazement as she ran through the house, picking up imaginary specks off the floor and wiping down the same counters she'd already cleaned six times that day. She had been cooking since seven am, and cleaning since Wednesday. She'd polished surfaces and ironed the placemats while he just sat and watched with his stomach in knots. The closer it got to five, the more he was convinced this was a terrible idea. He wondered briefly if it was too late to fake a headache, or a last second business trip. 

He told himself he was being ridiculous. It was just dinner with his family. Just because that dinner included Casey was no reason for him to panic. Besides, it was already quarter till five, and Vanessa had already put in so much work that he couldn't back out now. He supposed he would have to go through with it. He had just poured himself a glass of wine and sat down, shaking his head at his own cowardice when the doorbell rang.

"Honey can you get that?" Vanessa called as she straightened the silver wear for the tenth time. Warily Derek rose and answered the door. His dad and new wife, Gretchen had arrived. He gave his Dad a quick hug, and winced slightly when Gretchen pulled him to a large hug and kissed his cheek. He had nothing against Gretchen, but he didn't really know her, and to be honest he hadn't made much of an effort to get to know her. He supposed he'd have to get used to her eventually but she still felt like a stranger to him. Vanessa came over, smiling brightly, she'd met his Dad and Gretchen twice, right after they'd gotten engaged, and she and Gretchen got along well. They exchanged pleasantries by the door for a few minutes, until the bell rang again.

Derek answered the door, and was thrilled to see Marti. He pulled his younger sister into giant hug and spun her around.

"Smerek!" she shrieked, giggling and hugging him back. He put her down, grinning broadly. Marti yelled a greeting to the rest of the room. Vanessa raised her eyebrows at Marti's blue hair, but to her credit, she said nothing, and gave Marti a warm hug.

"How was play practice sweetie?" Gretchen asked. Derek thought he saw a brief look of annoyance cross Marti's face, but she recovered quickly and began to chatter animatedly about her Sound Of Music rehearsal. She was discussing her dislike of the boy playing opposite her as Captain Von Trap, when Casey arrived.

Derek stood frozen for a moment, holding the door and just staring at her.

"Hi Derek." she said softly, running a hand through her hair, "Can I come in?" He recovered and nodded, stepping out of her way so she could come inside.

"It's really good to see you Casey," he managed, still staring, "I-" he began, but the sentence was interrupted by Lizzie and Edwin bursting in through the still open door.

"Hey!" Edwin yelled.

"We brought some wine," Lizzie announced grinning and shutting the door behind her.

"Well it seems all the people I've never met have arrived at once." Vanessa said walking over to where Derek, Casey, Edwin and Lizzie stood. Introductions were made quickly, and then hugs where given all around. Derek had to keep himself from staring at Casey. He was unnerved have her in the home he shared with Vanessa.

As the assembled group made their way slowly towards the dining room Derek saw Vanessa take Casey and Lizzie aside. He hung back to listen, letting Marti entertain the rest of the guests with more tales from play practice.

"It's so nice to finally meet both of you," Vanessa was saying, "I just wanted to make sure there were no hard feelings between us. I know your mother was left out of the engagement announcement, but I wanted you to know you are family, and it was just an editing decision, no disrespect was meant." Derek had to hand it to her, she had a skill for always confronting things upfront, never letting them become more of an issue than need be. He studied Casey and Lizzie for their reactions. Lizzie nodded politely and smiled,

"We understand, thank you," she said. Casey didn't say a word, she just smiled and nodded but Derek saw a quick flash of anger in her eyes. He resolved to apologize to her privately later.

When they had all gathered at the dinner table after food was served and wine poured, conversation turned to Lizzie's soccer team. She was coaching grade five girls, and they had just made it to the playoffs. She'd been coaching for years now but this was the first time she'd ever had a team with this much success.

"Lizzie's really good with them." Edwin said then he grinned wickedly, "And she's not even using it as a ploy to get dates." This statement got a mixed reaction from the table: Marti, George and Lizzie burst out laughing, Casey let out an awkward chuckle, Gretchen and Vanessa looked puzzled, and Derek sent Edwin a death glare.

"Is there some story here?" Vanessa asked.

'It's not really-" Casey began.

"I had this soccer coach," Lizzie cut across her, grinning, "and at first we all thought he was this really great guy."

"Not true!" Marti piped up, "I knew he was no good right away."

"She has a point. She did hate him right off the bat," Edwin said.

"She wanted him to sit in the garage," George pointed out, smiling.

"True, she was a step ahead of all of us," Lizzie admitted, "Anyway, I had this huge crush on him, but he went after Casey as soon as he saw her."

"And Derek actually got along with him too, which was weird because Derek didn't approve of most guys Casey dated then." Edwin said. Derek shot him another dirty look, but Edwin ignored it.

"Well in all fairness, the guy she dated right before that was Derek's best friend Sam.." Lizzie put in. Derek sighed. It was clear they were actually going to tell this whole story, he was considering killing them both.

"Wait," Vanessa interjected, "How long had you guys been living as a family by this point?"

"Less than a year?" Lizzie said with a shrug, "Six months maybe? Something like that." Vanessa raised an eyebrow, but didn't say anything else.

"So anyway this guy- what was his name?" Edwin asked.

"Scott." Derek and Casey said in unison, making Lizzie and Edwin laugh. Derek shot a glance at Casey and saw she looked just as embarrassed as he felt. Maybe they could kill Lizzie and Edwin together.

"Right. So the thing was he was a lot like Derek, too much like him actually, so after Scott and Casey came home from their first date, Lizzie came down the stairs, all dolled up trying to impress Scott." Edwin said.

"Because you told me guys liked girly girls!" Lizzie said, smacking him playfully.

"And you listened." Edwin said, smirking, "I'm trying to tell a story here! So Casey pulls dolled-up-Lizzie up the stairs for a sister conference, and Scott reveals to Derek his soccer scam. Turns out Casey is one of four girls he's dating, all big sisters of the girls on his team."

"That's terrible!" Gretchen said.

"Yeah, so Derek hears this and is all freaked out." Lizzie said, picking up the story where Edwin left off, "He didn't say anything to Scott but he spends hours worrying about if he should tell Casey or not."

"Wait a second. How do you know that?" Derek asked Lizzie, "You're not supposed to know this story at all!" he said, suddenly remembering that at the time they'd kept Lizzie unaware of what scum Scott was.

"Edwin told me years ago, I'm a big girl, I can handle it now." Lizzie said rolling her eyes, "Anyway, so finally Derek breaks down and tells Edwin what's going on."

"After not sleeping all night and pouring orange juice on his cereal." Edwin put in.

"I never knew that," Casey said, more to herself than to anyone at the table. Derek smiled weakly. George and Marti still looked amused, Gretchen still looked slightly puzzled, and Vanessa's eyebrows were arched worryingly high.

"Right, and Edwin was confused, because see, Derek and Casey fought all the time, so it was unusual for him to be showing concern for her like that." Lizzie said.

"So Derek wanted to do the right thing, with out being a nice guy." Edwin said shaking his head, "A reputation thing. So he called all the other girls Scott was dating over to our house, and when Casey and Scott came home from their second date he was ready. He introduced them all announcer style." Edwin said, grinning at them memory.

"Then he made Scott apologize." Lizzie said, finishing the story.

"Well, it certainly sounds like you had an, um, interesting adolescence all together in that house," Vanessa said slowly, looking thoughtful.

"We certainly did," Casey muttered, and Derek found himself staring at her again. He was still tempted to kill Lizzie and Edwin for telling a story that he was sure would bring up questions later. He could almost hear Vanessa's mind churning through her psychology notes trying to analyze the story she'd just heard. At the moment though, he was glad Casey was there. Even if they hadn't really gotten a chance to talk yet it was nice to just see her, nice to think she could be a part of his life again. Vanessa's voice broke him out of his thoughts.

"So, who's ready for desert?" She asked.

* * *

End Chapter I know not a whole lot happened, but like i said, two HUGE things happen next chapter :-) 


	10. Apology fights, bets and a post it

**Author's Note:** So have a I mentioned that I love you guys? Seriously, there are over 200 reviews for this story, do you know how amazing that is? I'm overwhelmed by the response this story has gotten, and I love you all for it.

This is the second half of dinner, Casey's half. I really hope its not confusing, I feel like some parts might be, but Casey is really confusing herself now. All that denial makes it hard to think clearly :-P, so I hope it flows ok. Enjoy!

Oh, and thank you to everyone who said they hoped i felt better soon. I am feeling better today, and the high has gone up to like 15 :-)

**Disclaimer:** Still not mine. Very sad. Maybe if I click my heels together three times….

* * *

Casey hated her instantly; one look at the impossibly well groomed Vanessa, standing in the spotless apartment she shared with Derek had been all it took. She didn't want to hate her, but she couldn't help it. Casey hated how the dinner was perfectly prepared, she hated how Vanessa's eyebrows arched at Lizzie and Edwin's story, and she hated the questions she'd asked. She hated the hand Vanessa rested on Derek's shoulder, and the way she talked easily to George and Gretchen. Casey's stomach lurched remembering Vanessa's attempt at apologizing for leaving her mother out of the announcement, if Lizzie hadn't been standing there, Casey might have made a really scathing comment, but she refrained. She didn't think it was wise to make her instant hatred obvious.

Desert had finished, and Casey was sitting sipping her wine slowly and watching Gretchen, Marti and Vanessa have a conversation. Marti had some days off school the next week, Tuesday and Wednesday, and Gretchen thought it would be a "wonderful idea" if Marti stayed with Derek and Vanessa for one of those nights. Vanessa thought it would be "delightful" to have Marti stay, after all she and Derek had such a "close bond". Marti smiled faintly and raised an eyebrow at Casey.

Casey thought she was going to be ill. She didn't think she could stand this night much longer. Maybe it had been a mistake to come. She hadn't even gotten the chance to talk to Derek. She stood up and made her way towards the stairs to splash some water on her face in the bathroom. She had made it to the bottom of the stairs when Derek stopped her.

"Hey." He said simply, grabbing onto her elbow.

"Hi," she said, hating herself for feeling so nervous.

"Having fun?" he asked

"Of course," she said, smiling faintly. There was an awkward pause for a minute, then Derek sighed and looking apprehensive asked,

"So, how mad were you when you saw the announcement?"

'Furious," She admitted.

"Yeah I thought so, I did want her included you know I-" he began.

"I was furious, but then I thought that overall, you have greater reason to be furious with me," Casey said, cutting him off, grateful no one was in earshot.

"Casey, you don't have to-" He began, but she cut him off again.

"No, it's just that you had every right to answer my note with an angry reminder that our not talking is mostly my fault, or to ignore it completely and you didn't, so that calmed my anger." She said.

"You have every right to be mad about your mom being left out." He said

"I know, but you didn't have to invite me to dinner, that surprised me, it was so nice and I-" she said

"Yeah, and once your were here Vanessa brought it up, and you were so polite about it, that surprised me." He said, cutting her off this time.

"Well it was the least I could do, I mean you inviting me was such a good gesture and I really-" She started, and he groaned, "what?" she asked, confused.

"Will you just shut up and let me apologize?" he asked.

"No! I'm trying to apologize to you, and thank you for inviting me," she said stubbornly.

"You've thanked me like four times already, you're welcome, and I am trying to apologize for something that happened a lot more recently, and thank you for being so understanding about it." He said.

"You've thanked me like four times already, you're welcome," she mocked throwing his words back at him, "And I am trying to apologize for something more damaging, and thank you for doing something healing." she said.

"Why can't you just accept my apology like a normal person?" he asked.

"The same reason you can't accept mine?" she said. At that he started to laugh.

"We're fighting" he said, between laughs, "about who has more of a right to be angry at who, who should be more grateful to who, this could only happen with us," he finished.

"Whom." she said now laughing with him.

"What?" he asked, still laughing.

"You said who, it should be whom." she said, laughing, "but you're right, only you and I could fight while apologizing."

"Some things never change," he said, laughing even harder now.

"I guess not." She said. Then they both stopped laughing, their eyes met, and for a long moment they just stared at each other. Casey had forgotten what it felt like to stare into his eyes, how it made her feel like never moving again and how he seemed to see right through her. She had forgotten how quickly he could make her angry, and how hard he could made her laugh.

"Casey I-" He began, running a hand through his hair and breaking the moment. She cut him off again.

"You know I was just about to go use your bathroom, I'm going to head up now, I'll be back in a few minutes." she said speaking so fast her words ran together. Then, with out waiting for him to respond she turned and dashed up the stairs.

She ran into the bathroom and stared at herself in the mirror for a long minute. Her head was spinning. What was wrong with her? She had to pull herself together, she had a boyfriend and Derek was engaged. This was ridiculous. She splashed water on her face and then reached into her pocket and fished out her lipstick. She finished fixing it and sighed, leaving the bathroom. She was about to go back downstairs when she heard a giggle coming from a room at the end of the hall. Curious, she crept down the hall and peeked in through the slightly open door. Casey had to keep herself from gasping aloud at what she saw.

Lizzie and Edwin were in the den style room. They were leaning against a wall; Edwin had his arms around Lizzie, and was running kisses down her neck. She had her hands around his neck, and she giggled in feeble protest.

"Edwin! Someone could come up and find us! We'll get caught!" She said. Casey knew she shouldn't watch them, but she was fascinated.

"Let them find us." he said, moving up to kiss her lips. She smiled

"That would be cheating, it would ruin our whole bet," she said, running a hand through his hair.

"You're just nervous that after tonight I'm going to win," he said, kissing her again.

"Please. I know my sister. She'll break up with Lucas any day now. Tonight did go really well though," Lizzie said, returning his kiss.

"Did you see Vanessa's reaction?" Edwin asked, grinning, "Priceless," he said, playing with a strand of her hair.

"She has her suspicions now I'm sure but she won't break up with Derek," Lizzie said.

"Of course not," Edwin said, "She'll confront him, and then he'll realize he still loves Casey and break up with her, thus I'm going to win." he grinned.

"Everything is so simple in your world isn't it?" Lizzie asked teasingly, "She's not just going to confront him, women don't work like that." she shook her head, "no, Casey is going to leave here tonight and realize that she still loves Derek, and break up with Lucas, thus I'm going to win," Lizzie finished.

"You wish," Edwin said.

"I know," Lizzie countered. The kissed again, longer this time, and when they broke apart Edwin grinned,

"So when I win, and we surprise them all with the news, should we tell them individually or all together?" he said.

"You mean when I win and we break it to them slowly?" Lizzie asked playfully, "All together I think, this is kind of a big deal." He leaned into to kiss her again, and Casey turned away, shocked. Lizzie and Edwin were together. Not only that, but they had known about her and Derek all along, and had some sort of bet going about them. They had told that story at dinner on purpose, and now they were making out in the den, and plotting her and Derek's break-ups from their respective significant others.

Her head spun again. This night had been too much. She had to get out, she had to go home. She ran down the stairs. Shouting a quick goodbye and an excuse about a sudden headache to Marti, George, Gretchen, Derek and Vanessa, she threw on her coat and ran out the door before anyone could question her. She ran down the drive way to her car, still thinking about the conversation she'd overheard between Lizzie and Edwin. She didn't still love Derek, she thought angrily, just because she hated Vanessa did not mean she loved Derek. That was ridiculous, she told herself it was a just natural reaction to seeing your ex's new girlfriend. It meant nothing. Besides, Derek clearly didn't still love her. He was engaged.

She reached her car and put her hand in her purse to get her keys, pausing when she came across a small sheet of paper. Her hand froze and her breath hitched as she felt the small square with the sticky strip across the back. With shaking hands she pulled the post-it from her purse. She decided she had better sit down before reading it, she wasn't sure she could handle whatever it said if she was standing outside in the cold. She opened her car, and sat down, closing the door and taking a deep breath before turning the note over. There in Derek's familiar handwriting, were five words that shook her so much she thought she might pass out.

"_I've really missed you Casey."_

* * *

End Chapter. I finally let the Lizwin go from implied to real. It only took ten chapters :-P I hope you guys liked it. 


	11. Lapses in Judgment

**Author's Note:** Again I am overwhelmed by the response I've gotten to this story. You guys make me so happy. Seriously, I love each and every one of you.

This is another Casey chapter, to be followed be a Derek chapter. There will probably be about 5 chapters after this one. I've noticed a lot of hate towards Vanessa already. I'm a little scared to what the response to this chapter will be. If you hate her now, after this chapter you may want to commit fictional character murder. Just a warning.

**Disclaimer:** Still not mine.

* * *

Casey slept until noon that Sunday, and when she woke up she felt a little bit better. She'd raced home the night before and poured herself several drinks as soon as she got in the door, trying to block the night from her mind. It was just too much to deal with. After sleeping for almost twelve hours though, she was calmer. She decided that she had overreacted to the note, Derek clearly meant it as a friendly gesture, and she'd write something equally friendly back and mail it to him. As for Lizzie and Edwin, well honestly, now that she thought about it, she should have known. The signs were there all along and she was a bit annoyed with herself for not guessing it sooner. They seemed to know she and Derek had been involved, those two always knew everything. That didn't make their current bet any more valid, but she supposed everyone was wrong once in awhile. They'd see eventually that she and Derek were not still in love, and they'd break whatever news they had to the family and come out as couple then; she wasn't going to interfere. She knew what it was to keep secrets.

The only other concern was how strongly she'd reacted to seeing Derek, and her instant hatred towards Vanessa, but she was sure it would be awhile before she saw them again. So, she'd have plenty of time to work through that. Overall Casey was feeling less overwhelmed as she made herself a sandwich and opened the newspaper. She was had gotten up for a glass of water, when the phone rang. She glanced down at the strange number warily, and answered on the third ring.

"Hello?" She said.

"Casey?" an annoyingly perky voice asked.

"Yes?" Casey asked, not placing the owner of the voice.

"This is Derek's fiancé, Vanessa," Vanessa said. Casey was instantly annoyed.

"Oh, Hello" She said, hoping she didn't sound as irritated as she was.

"How are you? We were all so worried last night! Is your head better?" Vanessa asked in an annoyingly sweet tone of voice.

"Much, thank you," Casey said, "Or at least I was until you called" she muttered under her breath.

"Oh good!" Vanessa said, not hearing that last part, "So I have a question, this may sound strange, but I got your number out of Derek's address book, and I was wondering," She paused, "how old were you and Derek when your parents got married?" She asked. Casey's stomach lurched; she had a feeling she knew where this was going.

"Fifteen, why?" she said.

"That's what I though. I was just wondering, you two seem, I mean" Vanessa stumbled a bit then recovered herself, "I've read cases about such things, teens whose parents marry, and they have these youthful attractions to each other, and with the way you two acted last night, and that story Lizzie and Edwin told last night, I was wondering.." Vanessa trailed off.

"Wondering what?" Casey said, wanting to hear her say it.

"Well, I wouldn't judge if there were any teenage lapses in judgment when you and Derek first met, I just want to know about them." Vanessa said.

"There were no, 'lapses in judgment' in our house," Casey said acidly.

"Please don't be offended, I just picked up this vibe that there may at one point have been something more than platonic going on." She said pleadingly.

"So why ask me? Ask Derek, your fiancé." Casey said. She knew she was being bitchy, but she couldn't help it.

"He gets so defensive," Vanessa said, "I just thought it might be easier to talk to him if I already knew the truth."

"So you think he'd lie to you?" Casey asked.

"Look Casey, I love him, I'm going to marry him, I just want the truth, because I'm feeling like there is this part of his past I know nothing about." Vanessa said.

"I can't help you. If Derek wanted you to know, you'd know." Casey said.

"I'm afraid he's ashamed or feels I'd judge him, and I wouldn't. I mean we all make mistakes right? Teenage hormones and all." Vanessa said with a little laugh. Casey wanted to reach through the phone and strangle her.

"First of all, Derek doesn't do ashamed. Second of all, when you ask him about all this, you're going to want to refrain from saying things like, 'mistake' and 'lapse in judgment'," Casey said then added, "I mean you know how defensive he gets." She heard Vanessa take a deep breath on the other end of the line.

"You don't like me do you?" Vanessa asked bluntly.

"I don't even know you." Casey said.

"You're right, you don't. You know I've been with Derek for two years, and last night was the first time I met you? For someone who speaks with so much authority on Derek, you don't see him very often." Vanessa said.

"Well, perhaps had he not missed his own father's wedding to go skiing with you-" Casey spat back.

"Oh please, there was snow and we couldn't get back into Canada, and that's one time. One time in two years. Try again Casey." Vanessa said, clearly angry.

"I don't have to defend my relationship with Derek to you." Casey said.

"No answer. What a surprise." Vanessa said, "No answers on your past or present with Derek. Ashamed?"

"And I thought you didn't judge." Casey retorted.

"No, I said I wouldn't judge Derek, I said nothing about you." Vanessa said hatefully.

"You know something Vanessa?" Casey asked, "You're right. I don't like you." she spat, and then hung up the phone.

Casey couldn't remember the last time she'd been that angry. How dare Vanessa call her and say such things? She was fuming. She had lost her appetite, and she pushed her plate angrily across her counter. It fell off the counter and broke, sending glass and bits of bread and cheese everywhere. It made her feel a little better. She picked up the pieces and had thrown them in the in the garbage when her phone rang again. She glared at it.

"What?" She yelled when she picked it up.

"Casey?" Derek asked, sounding puzzled.

"Derek! Hi!" she said, now feeling like an idiot for assuming Vanessa would call back. She should have known better.

"Hey." He said, "Um, are you ok?" he asked.

"Yeah I'm fine." she said.

"It's just; you left so fast last night. I'm hoping I didn't do anything to make you uncomfortable or whatever." Derek said, and Casey grinned a little. She was not going to let him know he was actually part of the reason she left.

"It's good to hear you're still amazingly arrogant," she said, "I had a headache."

"It's nice to hear you're still impossible. I was asking and honest question, I wasn't trying to be arrogant." he said.

"It's a good thing it comes so naturally to you then." she quipped. He laughed.

"Ok, I'll change the subject then. Did you get my note?" He asked.

"Yeah, I did" She said, hating how her pulse sped up.

"I meant it Case; I missed being told how arrogant I am. I missed fighting while trying to give a simple apology." He said.

"I've missed you too." She admitted softly.

"Good lets go out," he paused and caught himself, "hang out. Go to dinner. We need to catch up." he said.

"I'd like that." she said, unable to stop herself from smiling, even though a voice in her head warned her this had the potential to be very dangerous.

"I'd like to see more of you than your picture above your column," he said.

"You read my column?" she asked, surprised and pleased.

"Of course I read it. You're brilliant" He said, "You'll be pleased to know I disagree with what you write frequently and fight with you about it my head." He said with a laugh.

"Good," she said laughing.

"Although, it's more fun and slightly less psychotic if I fight with you in person." He said.

"True" she said, still laughing.

"So how is tomorrow for you? Dinner? Downtown?" he asked. She had plans with Lucas, but she could cancel them.

"That sounds nice." She said, even as that voice in her head once again warned that this was dangerous.

"I'll pick you up?" he asked.

"You don't need to-" she began.

"I want to," he cut her off, "besides, it's stupid for both of us to dive and pay to park."

"I suppose." she said, "its better for the environment that way too."

"Exactly." He said, laughing a little, "So how bout like, six?"

"That works." she said.

"Ok, so I guess I'll see you then?" he asked.

"Yeah, have a good day Derek." she said.

"You too Casey," He said, and then hung up. Casey stared at the phone with a stupid grin on her face for a minute, fight with Vanessa forgotten, and then she went to her closet and tried on every single thing in it.

* * *

End chapter. Hope everyone liked it.


	12. intense

**Author's note:** As always, I love you all. You guys amaze, overwhelm and flatter me. Thank you all so much for the reviews.

This may be my favorite chapter so far. I said to someone(I forget who, sorry) that Derek still has a bit of bad boy in him, a bit if a tendency to go with his impulse and deal with the consequences later, and you'll see a bit of that in this chapter. There is also a little flashback in this chapter, and some post-its, and anyone who was missing fluff will be pleased with this chapter. I hope anyway.

Anyway, I love you all, and I hope you enjoy the chapter.

**Disclaimer:** I don't even own my house, I rent it. Do you really think I own Life With Derek?

* * *

Derek was in trouble. There was a large part of him that wanted to just turn the car around and cancel this dinner with Casey, but he knew he had to see her. Saturday night at dinner, when their eyes locked below the stairs, there had been a terrifying moment when he couldn't think of single reason not to kiss her. Ever since, he'd been trying to convince himself that it was a reflex of some sort. He tried to tell himself that his feelings reflected the past. He didn't really believe that though. He knew it was more than that. He didn't know how much more, or what it meant, but he knew he had to see her. He had to figure it out, because that terrifying moment, had also been thrilling, and his life hadn't been thrilling in a long time. He really had missed her, and part of him was still holding on to the hope that it was some sort of passing hormonal, blast-from-the-past glitch, and that now they could be friends.

This hope didn't stop his stomach from twisting in knots as he parked his car and walked the steps to her front door. He took a deep breath to steady himself, and rang the doorbell. She answered, and he was blown away. She looked beautiful, stunning, and radiant, she was glowing and he couldn't stop himself from staring.

"_Oh fuck,"_ he thought. This was not a good start.

"Hey," she said softly, "I'm not quite ready yet. Do you want to come in while I find my shoes?" she asked.

"Sure." he said trying to conceal his nervousness. He glanced around her apartment while she finished getting ready. Dance posters, her degrees in frames, snap shots of Casey, her mom and Lizzie, a shelf of girly movies, a couch decorated with throw pillows; he smiled, it was pure Casey. She came back out and looked at him, smirking.

"Derek, I cannot believe you still wear that jacket." she said, pointing to the leather jacket he was wearing, while putting on her own coat.

"I love this jacket," he said, smiling.

"Yes, but the whole point of that jacket was that you'd been wearing your other leather jacket for years and it was time for a change." she said with a laugh, picking up her purse, "and you've gone and done the same thing to this one."

He was tempted to say something like, "_Gee Casey, I always thought you liked me in leather,"_ but then he decided it wasn't wise to flirt with her. Yet anyway. So he said, "I guess I'm creature of habit that way. Besides, this really is a great jacket. It was then, it is now."

---------------

_They always gave each other three gifts for Christmas. It was tradition. Something with not a lot of meaning, to be exchanged when they visited their family on Christmas day. Something funny or stupid that played to their weird sense of humor, and then the real present. The latter two they exchanged Christmas Eve, and instead of gift tags, they used post-it notes._

_The Christmas before Nora died, their last Christmas together, they sat in Derek's apartment on Christmas Eve. On the floor in front of his tacky artificial tree, they gave each other the humorous gifts first. As usual they were on similar wave lengths. She'd gotten him a season of The Brady Bunch, on DVD, with a post-it that read, _

"_Greg- Because I think you'd look really good in bell-bottoms. And besides, Casey, Casey, Casey has a nice ring to it doesn't it? -Marsha"_

_He'd gotten her three movies on DVD. Cruel Intentions, Clueless and Flowers in the Attic, with a post -it saying,_

"_Cher- Because compared to two of these families? We're wholesome and completely functional-Josh"_

_Their real presents to each other were next. She always made him go first. She handed him a large box. It's post-it read, _

"_Because sometimes we all need a little change…" _

_He unwrapped the box slowly and was a little stunned by what he found. It was an amazing leather jacket, a beautiful deep brown color, with heavy lining for those Canadian winters._

"_Wow Casey. Can you afford this?" he asked, stroking the soft material lovingly. _

"_I was tired of looking at your old one," she said, grinning and clearly pleased with herself, "and the look on your face makes it worth any price."_

"_Thank you." he said, leaning over to kiss her._

"_Try it on!" she said when they broke their kiss. He obliged and she clapped happily, "You look so good in leather, its amazing." He grinned._

"_Your turn," he said, handing her a small rectangular box. The box was adorned with a bow and a note that read:_

"_Because you take my breath away..."_

_She opened it, and he smiled when he heard her gasp._

"_Derek, it's beautiful," she said, picking up the necklace it had taken him weeks to select. It was a gold chain, and on the end hung a tear dropped shaped pattern of gems in varying shades of green and blue. "Wow. I love it. Wow. Thank you" she said fingering it. Then she held it out to him and picked her hair up with her hands. He grinned and moved behind her to fasten the necklace._

"_Perfect." he said, grinning at the look on her face, "Merry Christmas Casey." he said. She leaned over and kissed him,_

"_Merry Christmas Derek." she said._

----------

It really was a great jacket, he loved it, and he'd been unable to part with it. He smiled, guessing by the look on her face that she was thinking about that same night.

"Ready?" he asked. She smiled and nodded yes. He drove them to downtown so they could eat at one of his favorite restaurants. They talked with ease on the drive over about simple things like their days at work and Marti's hair. When they were in the restaurant and he was sitting across from her, he was once again struck by how beautiful she looked. He ran a nervous hand through his hair and said,

"So Marti tells me you date some guy named Lucas?"

"Yeah." she said, blushing a little.

"Is it serious?" Derek asked, praying she'd say no.

"No." she said bluntly.

"No?" he asked, trying not to grin. She shrugged.

"He's a nice guy, and we have fun, but-" she trailed off and shrugged again. He nodded, secretly relieved.

The waiter came to take their drink orders and Derek took the opportunity to change the subject. They talked about her column for awhile, fighting over various political issues she'd written about. He'd been right; it was a lot more fun in person. They talked about his job in advertising, and how quickly he'd been moved up in his firm. They talked about Gretchen and George and they agreed that they weren't comfortable with Gretchen yet. They talked about Nora briefly, her apologizing once again, and him reassuring her that he understood, and that it was ok. He apologized for giving up on her, and she scoffed at him, telling him she'd ignored his calls and refusing to let him take any of the blame. They talked about living in Toronto and discovered they had many of the same favorite places. Many of them places Casey had loved as a child, places Derek discovered for the first time as an adult.

They talked about pop culture and current events and technology. They talked about the weather and people they'd known as teenagers. He'd forgotten that Casey had an opinion on everything. He'd forgotten how much he enjoyed fighting with her. He'd forgotten how maddening and yet exhilarating it was to have her laugh at his opinions, brutally shooting them down. He'd forgotten how easy it was to make her mad, and how adorable she looked all fired up. He'd forgotten how much she could make him laugh. He'd forgotten what it felt like to have everything be this intense, this real, and this perfect. He hadn't wanted to remember, because he didn't think he'd ever get it back. He'd accepted life with out it, without the tension and the passion and the fun, but now that he'd tasted it again he wondered if perhaps he hadn't given up on it too soon. By the time he was driving her home, he knew this wasn't a passing hormonal glitch or a reflexive response to the past. He had a sneaky feeling it was very real.

As they stood at her doorway, at a loss for words for the first time all night, a tiny voice in his head repeated Vanessa's name over and over again. He ignored it, and reached out a hand, planning to hug her, when something caught his eye, and he reached instead for a gold chain around her neck. She sucked in her breath as he ran his finger down the chain,

"and you laughed at me?" he teased softly, pulling the chain to reveal the charm at the end, a tear drop shaped pattern of gems in varying shades of green and blue. She blushed,

"I love this necklace, it's the most beautiful thing I own," she said, raising her head to meet his eyes. His thumb traced tiny circles on her throat under the charm, and before he could stop himself, he leaned down and kissed her. It was a soft kiss, light and slightly timid. The voice in his head was now screaming Vanessa's name, but when he pulled back and looked at Casey, who was staring at him with her huge blue eyes, he went with his instincts and leaned down to kiss her again.

This time he kissed her urgently, and the voice stopped completely. He kissed her deeply, and she wrapped her hands around his neck. He moved his hands around her waist, and moved forward a little, till they were pressed up against her font door. He parted her lips with his tongue, amazed how at how right this felt. He forgot everything but them, the moment and their kiss. As they continued to kiss, tongues' battling a little, hands roaming a little, Derek was only aware of one thing: he had never wanted anything as badly in his life as he wanted Casey at that moment. He reached a hand under the hem of her shirt, tracing his fingers across the skin of her stomach, thrilling in the feeling. They leaned closer into each other, till there was no space between them at all. Her hands traveled from his neck down his back, and back up his arms, and he remembered how he'd always loved the feel of her little hands.

Then suddenly, before he knew what was happening, she pushed away. His entire body protested the loss. He stared at her blankly. Her eyes looked afraid.

"Derek," she said urgently, "We can't."

* * *

Yeah- have I mentioned Casey's denial is a bit deeper than Derek's? 


	13. No substitute for love

**Author's Note:** The number one review start to the last chapter? YES YOU CAN CASEY!. I love you guys. You make me smile and warm my heart. This is a Casey chapter.

Angst ahead, and a bit of fluff, and Derek and Casey fighting, and … a break up? Oh and a post it note.

Enjoy, and once a again, I love you all.

**Disclaimer:** Nope. Not mine. Although I am hoping that if I mention in enough Disclaimers how much I'd like to have Michael Seater, the fan girl fairy will come and grant my wish :-P

* * *

_Derek was only aware of one thing: he had never wanted anything as badly in his life as he wanted Casey at that moment. He reached a hand under the hem of her shirt, tracing his fingers across the skin of her stomach, thrilling in the feeling. They leaned closer into each other, till there was no space between them at all. Her hands traveled from his neck down his back, and back up his arms, and he remembered how he'd always loved the feel of her little hands._

_Then suddenly, before he knew what was happening, she pushed away. His entire body protested the loss. He stared at her blankly. Her eyes looked afraid._

"_Derek," she said urgently, "We can't."_

* * *

Casey pulled back, feeling a creeping panic begin to overwhelm her. She was kissing, no- making out with, Derek. She was really, really enjoying making out with Derek. She had forgotten what it was like to kiss like that. She'd forgotten what it was like to feel that alive, to feel that much attraction. She cursed their hormones and the power of past memories. She was not about to let him throw away his engagement for one night with her. Even if Vanessa was a bitch, and even if it would be one incredibly passionate, hot, sexy night, one that she'd remember- 

She shook her head angrily. These thoughts were not helping. She looked up at him. He was studying her quietly as though he was waiting for an explanation. She sighed.

"What are we doing?" she asked him, desperately hoping he had a logical answer.

"Kissing?" he said cocking an eyebrow at her, looking puzzled.

"We can't. You know that." she said, almost pleadingly.

"Why not?" he asked grinning at her.

"You can't be serious. Derek this is wrong." she said. She wasn't sure she could deal with him being irrational about this. She might just give in.

"Fuck wrong." he said smirking and leaning into kiss her again. She pushed him away.

"No!" she spat, "Do you really still go through life this way?" she asked incredulously.

"What way?" he asked, looking a little hurt.

"The 'What Derek wants, Derek gets consequences be damned' way!" she said.

"Only occasionally," he said, "like when I've had the best night I've had in years with my favorite person in the world." She closed her eyes and leaned her head against her door in frustration.

"You. Are. Engaged." she said slowly drawing out each word, hoping he'd get the message, "did you forget?" she questioned.

"Do you really still go through life this way?" he asked, mimicking her earlier question.

"What way? The moral way?" she snapped.

"The 'plan everything fifteen steps ahead and let perfect moments pass you by' way." he said

"Derek-" she began, than stopped unsure of what to say next.

"Don't you want this?" he asked.

"What I want doesn't really matter right now." she said rolling her eyes at him.

"What you want is all that matters right now." he said.

"Do you say that to all the girls you cheat on your fiancé with? Or I am just special?" she asked. She knew that was low, but this conversation was not going her way. His eyes flashed.

"I cannot believe you just said that to me." he said in a slow dangerous tone of voice.

"Well I can't believe I'm more concerned about your engagement than you are!" She said.

"Bullshit Casey." he said darkly, glaring at her, "you're concerned about you."

"What does that mean?" she asked irritated, matching his glare with one of her own.

"You're scared. This isn't about morals or my engagement or even that sad boyfriend of yours. This is about us. Me and you. And that? Terrifies you." he said.

"There hasn't been an 'us' in a very long time Derek." she said, so angry she was shaking.

"It's always us. Always," he said as though it were the most obvious thing in the world, "why don't you just ask me? Just ask me about what you're scared of." he said.

"There is nothing scary about nostalgia and hormones." she said bitterly.

"Fine. I'll do it!" he snapped. Then he took a deep breath and said, "Derek don't you love her? If we do this will you go back to her in the morning like nothing was wrong? Would we go months with out talking? Would it be a one night, one moment thing? And if not why would you risk so much on me?" he finished then locked his eyes on hers, "Did I miss any Case?" he asked.

She could have killed him. She had never been able to figure it out, how he could see right through her like that. It was infuriating. Those were the exact questions floating through her mind. Her anger drained. There was no point in it if he knew what was really behind it.

"I don't want those answers Derek." she said softly.

"Because you're scared of them?" he asked gently.

"Petrified." She admitted, "And the questions that would follow? Those are even scarier. I'm not ready." she said.

"Now? Or ever?" he asked.

"I-" she paused, "I'm not sure. Could you wait? Could I call you a few hours? Days? Weeks? And then I'll let you know if I'm ready for those answers." she said. He smiled sadly.

"Tell you what," he said shaking his head. "Can you get me a post-it?"

"Are you serious?" she asked.

"Dead serious. I'll write them down, so you know I mean them, and fold the post-it up. When you're ready you can open it and call me."

So she went inside and got him a post-it from her stack. He smiled to himself as he wrote the answers down. Then he folded it several times and pressed the yellow paper into her hand.

"Call me when you're ready." he said, then turned and walked out of her apartment and back to his car. She watched him go, clutching the note in her hand like a life line. She paced around her living room lost in thought. When her cell phone rang she jumped, startled. She looked down at the caller ID. Lucas. Coming to a sudden decision, she picked it up.

"Hi." she said.

"Hey, I was just calling-" he began.

"Can you come over?" she asked, cutting him off abruptly. She had to see him. She had needed to compare. She wanted to make herself see she didn't need Derek.

"Now?" he asked, surprised.

"Now." she confirmed.

"Sure." he paused, "is something up?" he asked.

"Just come over." she said, hoping she didn't sound as desperate as she felt. He agreed. Ten minutes later she let him in her door and let him to her couch. He kissed her and her whole body groaned in disappointment. She pulled back. This night just wasn't going her way.

"I have to tell you something." she said.

"Ok." he said, looking a bit worried.

"I went out tonight. With my ex." she said studying him for a reaction.

"You've never mentioned-" he started.

"I know and I'm sorry." She said, "And I'm sorry I cancelled on you to see him, its just we were together for five years. I felt like I had to see him."

"First love?" Lucas asked.

"_Only love."_ Casey thought, but she didn't say it, she just nodded.

"So, how did it go then? Seeing him?" Lucas asked, clearly wondering where all this was heading.

"I don't know." she said truthfully, "it wasn't what I was expecting."

"Has he changed?" Lucas asked.

"No, not at all actually." she said, smiling a little, "I kissed him." she said suddenly. This was her last resort. She was hoping to get a reaction from Lucas, something to prove to her that Derek Venturi was not the only man capable of passion.

"Oh." Lucas said softly.

"Oh?" she asked, disappointed but not surprised by his response. He looked at her for a long moment, then he sighed.

"I feel like there is something specific you want me to say here. Some reaction you want me to have and I don't know what it is. Why are you telling me this?" he asked.

"I-" she began than stopped, "I don't know, I guess maybe I was hoping you'd get really angry and declare you'd fight to the death for me?" she said with a small shrug, "or maybe you know, call me a whore and threaten to beat him up? Declare your undying love for me? Convince me that I'm better off with you?" she said feeling defeated.

"We've never had that kind of relationship." he said sounding a little confused, "I mean-" he stopped.

"I know. That's the point." she said warily.

"Oh." he said again, and a look of comprehension came over his face, "I get it."

"Yeah." she said.

"You had that with him then? All the passion? All the excitement? All the intensity?" Lucas asked.

"Yes." she said.

"Right, and we're a poor substitute for that aren't we?" Lucas said, a wry smile spreading across his features.

"Unfortunately." Casey said.

"Ok then." he said, nodding sadly.

"I'm sorry." she said.

"Don't be. You've been distant for two weeks, I can't say I didn't see it coming." he said with a shrug. He stayed for a little while longer, and they talked about the good times they'd had. She apologized several more times. He asked her questions about Derek. They both admitted to only having stayed in this long because it was so easy, and the thought of being out there looking for something more was so scary. They'd both figured they were better off together than lonely. As he was leaving he stopped at her door and turned,

"Hey Casey." he said.

"Yes?" she asked.

"Comfort is nice, but it doesn't even compare to love. Don't settle, tell him." He said, then turned and walked out her door.

Casey stayed in her couch for awhile, pondering her long and confusing night. Most of the things she'd done in the past five years had been motivated by fear. Breaking up with Derek, working long hours, closing herself off to new people, her relationship with Lucas, they were all things she'd done out of fear. The fear that had consumed her and kept her running since her mother's death. Maybe now was time to break free of it once and for all. She reached into the pocket of her jeans and fished out Derek's post-it. She opened it slowly and read it, matching each question in her mind with the answers he'd written.

"Don't you love her?"

_I thought I did._

"If we do this will you go back to her in the morning like nothing was wrong?"

_No. I don't know what would happen, but I know I couldn't do that._

"Would we go months with out talking?"

_God I hope not, although you do have a tendency to not answer your phone when I call._

"Would it be a one night, one moment thing? "

_No. because even if you never spoke to me again, I can guarantee I'd relive it in my head forever._

"And if not why would you risk so much on me?"

_Because you are more important than anything else._

Now she knew.

* * *

Poor Lucas. I feel bad for him, the character I created solely for the purpose of giving Casey someone to break up with. 


	14. Marti meddles

**Author's Note: **There are 45 reviews for the last chapter. 45. You guys never fail to amaze and flatter me. I just cannot get over the response this story has gotten. It overwhelms me. Its also a bit intimidating, I don't want to let you all down.

I meant to post this chapter a few days ago, but real life got in the way. I hate that. This chapter is from Marti's PoV. If you remember, chapters ago at the dinner, Vanessa and Gretchen had a conversation about Marti having days of school the next week and staying with Derek and Vanessa- I bet you thought that was just random filler, bit it wasn't. It was actually an important plot point! Yay! Anyway, so Marti is staying with them.

I'm glad you all liked Lucas, he was a sweet guy in the end. In this chapter, Vanessa makes one last big attempt to save her relationship. You guys will probably hate her more than ever. In her defense though, if you had Derek, wouldn't' you be willing to fight a little dirty to keep him? Yeah, I thought so. But still, any one who stands in the way of Dasey is bad. :-P

I'm not sure how i feel about this chapter, but i hate most of them, when i first write them. shrug

Love you all. Hope you enjoy the chapter.

**Disclaimer:** Life with Derek is not mine, Michael Seater is not mine, but there are only 5 more days till my birthday, so I'm hopeful :-P

_

* * *

_

_Desert had finished, and Casey was sitting sipping her wine slowly and watching Gretchen, Marti and Vanessa have a conversation. Marti had some days off school the next week, Tuesday and Wednesday, and Gretchen thought it would be a "wonderful idea" if Marti stayed with Derek and Vanessa for one of those nights. Vanessa thought it would be "delightful" to have Marti stay, after all she and Derek had such a "close bond". Marti smiled faintly and raised an eyebrow at Casey._

* * *

It took Marti a little while to piece it all together. The strange far away look in Derek's eyes, the questions Vanessa kept asking about the business dinner he'd gone on the night before, the irritation in her eyes when he blew the questions off. At first she thought they'd had a fight of some sort, but Derek had once told her that they never fought. Besides, he didn't seem at all angry, he was just, distracted. She was telling him about her play practices and the boy that had asked her to prom, but she felt like he wasn't really listening. His mind was defiantly on something else, something important.

Years of living with Edwin and Lizzie had taught her well, so she decided that if she was going to figure this out, she just needed to notice everything, and spy if needed. For the first few hours she was there, the only thing she noticed was Derek's weirdness, and how annoyed by it Vanessa obviously was. Then after dinner she when was in the upstairs bathroom getting ready for a shower she noticed a figure on the street below. Casey. She was walking around Derek's car, smiling to herself, clutching a small sheet of paper. She paced around the car several times, before sticking the sheet of paper in windshield wipers, parking ticket style. Then she laughed a little, and walked back to her own car.

Marti shook her head, she should have known Derek's weirdness was Casey related somehow. Laughing to herself, and wondering if this also explained Derek's "business dinner", she got in the water and took a long shower. After she had finished and wrapped herself up in pajamas and a robe, she went back down the stairs to find Derek intently at the living room wall.

"Hey." she said, and he jumped. She giggled.

"Oh hey Marti." he said smiling at her. She was tempted to just come out and ask him what was going on, but she decided against it, instead asking,

"So where'd Vanessa go?"

"The store, we needed milk for in the morning." Derek said, still looking a little dazed.

"I thought her car was in the shop?" Marti asked.

"Yeah it is. She took mine, why?" Derek asked. Marti felt her stomach sink, she didn't know what Casey's note had said, but she had a feeling the Vanessa seeing it could be bad.

"No reason, just wondering." Marti said as the front door opened and Vanessa reappeared holding a gallon of milk and looking irritated.

"Hey, glad you're home" Derek called to her, "I think I may head up to bed early, I've got a terrible headache" he said. Vanessa smiled tightly at him as she took of her coat.

"Do you want some aspirin?" she asked walking into the kitchen and putting the milk in the fridge.

"I took some already, thanks." Derek said, walking up to her and planting a light kiss on her cheek before walking over to Marti and scooping her into a large hug, "Sorry Smarti, we'll talk more tomorrow ok?"

"Sure Smerek" She said, keeping an eye on Vanessa. Derek smiled and ruffled Marti's then headed up the stairs. Marti plopped down on the couch, and Vanessa turned to her.

"I have to make a quick phone call. You don't mind do you Marti?" she asked sweetly.

"No, go right ahead, I'll just watch some TV," Marti said. Vanessa nodded and went into the dining room and closed the door. Marti turned the TV on, then got up and followed her, sticking her ear to the door and listening to Vanessa dial a number on her cell phone.

"Casey. Its Vanessa," She said into the phone. Marti winced; this was not going to be pleasant. There was a pause, and then Vanessa said,

"So I found your little note on Derek's car." Another pause and then,

"Yes you may have wanted to think that one through a little better, I do live with him. Sometimes I take his car. Not very good thinking on your part really," Vanessa said icily. Marti desperately wished she could hear Casey's end of this conversation.

"No you listen." Vanessa said abruptly, "Stay away. I don't know what kind of person you are, or what you thought you would accomplish, but you need to stay away from Derek. He has a stressful life; he needs someone to make it simpler, not some crazy woman making it more complicated." Vanessa said. There was a long pause then, one Marti imagined was filled with an angry retort from Casey.

"You know. I took your advice. I asked him about you. Do you want to know what he said?" Vanessa asked acidly.

"No actually," Vanessa began after another pause, "I didn't have to use any of those phrases. He had plenty of his own. Ones like, 'regret', 'foolish', 'young and stupid,' and 'hormone driven.'" Vanessa said.

"Oh, but he he did." Vanessa said patronizingly. A long pause followed this, and Marti heard Vanessa suck in her breath harshly at one point, then she said,

"So?" in a cool tone that didn't match the way her fingers were tapping the table loud enough for Marti to hear.

"Men often think with their hormones, I'm surprised you don't know that." she said in the same tone of voice. Another long pause followed, during which Vanessa's fingers tapped faster and faster, harder and harder.

"Heat of passion." she said dismissively, and Marti raised an eyebrow, now she was really curious, "I won't deny he probably wanted you last night," Vanessa continued, "But pre-wedding jitters will do that to a man, especially when some little blast-from-the-past slut throws herself at him."

"How dare I?" Vanessa said after another pause, sounding outraged, "I'm not the one trying to break up an engagement!"

"Yeah. You know what Casey?" Vanessa said after another pause, "You keep those little notes, and I'll keep my diamond engagement ring and my fiancé and we'll all live happily ever after. You in you little fantasy world and me in reality."

"The feeling's mutual." Vanessa spat, then clicked her phone shut. Marti moved away from the door softly, but not before she heard Vanessa start to sob.

-----------

Normally Marti slept in on her days off, but the next morning she was out of bed at 7am. She crept up the stairs to Vanessa and Derek's bedroom, hoping to learn more. She was sitting in the hall she heard Vanessa say,

"So I found something interesting on your car last night."

"On my car?" Derek asked, sounding puzzled.

"A note from Casey." Vanessa said simply. Marti heard Derek swallow nervously.

"Umm, you, what?" he stuttered.

"It seems that Casey would like you to know that she can't. She's sorry, but she's letting you go. Care to explain that?" Vanessa asked briskly. Marti wondered just how many lies Vanessa was willing to tell in this attempt to save her relationship. She had no idea what that note had said, but she was certain that wasn't it. There was a long pause while Derek took some deep breaths.

"I, we," he started then collected himself a little more and began again, "We were together once, a long time ago." he said.

"Yeah. I assumed as much. I'm also assuming you weren't really at a business dinner the other night?" Vanessa asked.

"Vanessa I-" Derek began.

"Don't." she said, "I don't really want to know Derek. The less I know, the more I can tell myself this is all just pre-wedding jitters on your part."

"Pre-wedding jitters." he repeated blankly.

"Exactly." she said,

"Do you still have the note?" he asked, "Shit. Sorry, that was stupid. Sorry." he said realizing his mistake instantly. There was a long pause, then Vanessa sighed.

"I don't like fighting with you. I like it when things are simple and peaceful, I thought you did too." Vanessa said.

"Simple is nice." he said, still sounding a bit shell shocked. Marti heard the sound of quick kiss between them.

"I'll let you finish getting ready for work." Vanessa said, and Marti moved away from the door quickly, ducking into the bathroom and out of sight as Vanessa exited the room and ran down the steps. When she came back out, she saw her brother sitting on his bed, unmoving.

"Casey." he whispered, shaking his head sadly. Marti couldn't watch. She walked slowly back down the stairs and watched as Vanessa made some breakfast and packed her books for class. She walked in circles around the living room, wondering if there was anything she could do to fix this. She was on her eighth lap when she noticed a small piece of paper hanging out of Vanessa's coat pocket. She froze, convinced that this was it, the post-it note. She reached carefully into the coat and pulled out the crumpled slip of paper.

_Derek- I did three really brave things. I broke up with Lucas, I read you answers, and most important, I admitted to myself that I still love you. I've never stopped.-Casey._

Marti smiled triumphantly. She knew it. Now she just had to go show Derek this note. He'd know Vanessa had lied and he'd know Casey still loved him. She was still smiling when a hand reached behind her and snatched the note away from her.

"You shouldn't meddle Marti." Vanessa said, taking the note and ripping it into tiny little shreds. Marti stared at her too shocked to think of a reply. "I've got this all taken care of." Vanessa said. She walked into the kitchen and threw the little tiny pieces away, then poured the leftover bits of breakfast cereal on top them.

------

It was late afternoon by the time Vanessa went to class and Marti had a moment to herself. As soon as the front door closed she pulled out her cell phone and called Edwin. He answered on the third ring.

"Yes Marti?" he said.

"I need help." she said. He sighed wearily, which annoyed her. Just because last time she'd called him and said that it was because she wanted him to pretend to be her guardian so she could get a tattoo, didn't mean he had to sound so put upon every time she called.

"Isn't it bug Derek day? I'm kinda busy right now." he said. She heard Lizzie's voice in the background asking,

"Is that Marti?" Marti sighed; she didn't have time for this.

"Edwin you can make out with Lizzie any time! This is an emergency!" she said.

"You know?" Edwin asked, sounding surprised but not upset.

"Of course I know. You're the one who taught me to notice everything." Marti said impatiently.

"Oh." Edwin said, and then called, "Hey Lizzie, Marti's on to us."

"I always thought she probably was," Lizzie yelled back, "Put her on speaker." Marti heard a click. "Hi Marti!" Lizzie said, sounding amused.

"Hi." Marti said, "Look we don't have time for this. We have a serious Derek and Casey situation."

"We told you we're not playing go between for them." Edwin said.

"But this time it's not their fault." Marti said.

"How?" Lizzie asked sounding skeptical.

"Casey told him she loves him. She wrote him a note and put it in his car, but Vanessa found it!' Marti said.

"Fuck." Edwin said slowly, "Ouch! Oh, right. sorry Marti." Edwin said. Marti smiled.

"Its ok." she said., "You didn't have to hit him Lizzie."

"Yes I did, and you know if they would just talk like normal people, they wouldn't have these problems." Lizzie said.

"You know how they are with those post-it notes." Marti said, "And now Vanessa has lied to both of them, and Derek was all sad and mopey and I'm sure Casey is too. They're probably both sitting at work staring at walls." Marti said.

"Yeah probably." Lizzie said, "So do you have a plan?"

"Well, no that's why-" Marti began.

"That's why you need us?" Edwin asked.

"Yeah." Marti admitted.

"Ok, tell us everything you know." Edwin said.

So the plotting began.

* * *

End chapter. 


	15. an intervention

**Author's Note:** Ah. I am so sorry for the delay. Really, its been over a week, and I am sorry. We're coming to the end now. This is a Derek chapter, and it contains an event I'm sure you will all enjoy.

Thank you so much to all my amazing reviewers. You guys warm my heart and make my whole world a little brighter. Thank you. As always I have to say I'm both thrilled and overwhelmed by the response to this story. I hope you all like this chapter. I'm not sure I do, but I never am.

A special thanks to Janet Banana for giving me an idea I used in this chapter regarding Edwin and Lizzie. I wasn't planning on it at all, but I loved the idea so much when she questioned about it in review several chapters back, that I just had to use it.

Oh, last thing. I bring up again in this chapter how Derek and Casey tend not to notice what's going on around them. This is because, they both tend to be selfish and self-centered. I love them both, but their type A drama loving personalities leave little room to observe others. At least I think so- thoughts?

**Disclaimer:** Still not mine. Sad really.

* * *

Derek was a mess. He almost wrecked his car several times that day; he just couldn't keep his eyes on the road. He didn't know what to think. Casey had given up on him, Vanessa knew and wanted him to just forget it all move on with their wedding plans. He wasn't sure he could. Even if Casey didn't want him, he still wanted her. He didn't want to let it go and he didn't want to go on with his engagement. It felt like sham of a relationship now, and while there were a lot of things Derek did half-assed, he knew this shouldn't be one of them. 

He sighed loudly as he pulled his car into his driveway, glad to have gotten home with out causing a serious accident. He was glad Vanessa had class until late in the evening on Wednesdays. He didn't think he could stomach another talk with her. Maybe he could just let Marti talk about school, or they could make fun of Gretchen together, anything to get his mind off Vanessa and Casey. Unfortunately for Derek, Marti was not the only one in his living room when he walked in. Edwin was sitting on the couch, looking worried.

"Derek man, I'm glad you're home. I need advice!" Edwin said, standing in greeting. Derek groaned. He really didn't think he was up for Edwin's problems right now, he had enough of his own.

"I'm not sure today is good day Ed, and where's Marti?" Derek asked scanning the room for his sister. She must have let Edwin in.

"Bathroom?" Edwin said with a shrug, "come on I need big brotherly advice on this one. Please?" he asked. Derek sighed.

"Ok, what's up?" he asked sitting down on his favorite recliner. Edwin sat back down on the couch.

"Lizzie's pregnant." He announced. Derek sucked in his breath.

"I'm not helping you kill the father and hide his body." Derek said. Edwin laughed.

"That's ok; I wasn't really planning on suicide." Edwin said. Derek blinked in confusion.

"Wait? What? WHAT?" he asked as the meaning of Edwin's words sunk in. Edwin let out a dry laugh.

"You really don't pay attention to anything bout yourself do you?" He asked.

"That's not. I notice, I just, you never told me and you and Lizzie?" He stuttered, still shocked. Edwin rolled his eyes.

"We've been together for years. Since before Nora died. You've had all that time to figure it out, to notice something. Not very observant of you." Edwin said.

"I thought you needed advice on something?" Derek asked, changing the subject a little, "You can't have my advice if you sit there and insult me."

"Fair enough." Edwin said, "I was just going to ask if you thought we should get married before or after Lizzie has the baby?" Derek shook his head slowly. Even through his confusion, he could see something about this conversation didn't add up. Edwin was up to something.

"I may not be very observant, but even I can see that something is going on here. You didn't come here to ask me that. What are you up to Ed?" He asked. Edwin smirked.

"Lowering your defenses, messing with your mind, and getting you to see that you can be an idiot sometimes." Edwin said smiling.

"Why?" Derek asked feeling a bit affronted.

"So that you'll listen to what we have to say about Vanessa and Casey." Edwin said.

"Vanessa and Casey? We?" Derek asked, his head was spinning, and for the second time in less than a week he was contemplating killing Edwin.

"Marti! Come back me up in here." Edwin called. Marti entered the room and smiled sheepishly at Derek.

"Hi." she said.

"What is this? An intervention?" Derek asked.

"Sort of," Marti said, then she took a deep breath and looked straight at him, "she lied to you Derek."

"Who did?" Derek asked stupidly.

"Vanessa. Casey's note didn't say she was letting you go." Marti said.

"Vanessa wouldn't lie to me. She's not that kind of person." Derek said. Marti and Edwin shot him twin looks of disbelief.

"Derek, what did we just go over?" Edwin asked.

"That I don't pay attention to what is going on around me, and that I'm an idiot sometimes?" Derek asked feeling overwhelmed.

"Exactly. Derek, I heard her. She lied to Casey too." Marti said.

"She took the note out of Marti's hand and tore it up in to little shreds." Edwin said.

'She told me not to meddle." Marti said.

"You saw the note? What did it say?" Derek asked, choosing to ignore the information about Vanessa for the moment. Marti grinned.

"It said, '_Derek- I did three really brave things. I broke up with Lucas, I read you answers, and most important, I admitted to myself that I still love you. I've never stopped.-Casey'," _She recited, smiling.

"She loves me?" Derek asked.

"Yes, and you're an idiot." Edwin said fondly.

"She still loves me." Derek repeated, feeling dazed.

"Vanessa called her a slut." Marti said, "And she told Casey that you said your past with her was a 'foolish mistake'." Marti finished, sounding like a four-year-old telling on a classmate.

"Foolish mistake?" Derek asked snapping out of his trance and feeling equal parts elation and furry, "she said that?"

"Yeah she did." Edwin said, shaking his head.

"Wait, Edwin you knew about me and Casey?" Derek asked.

"Everyone knew Derek, because everyone but you and Casey observes things, notices things. You'd think it would be genetic, but I guess not." Edwin said.

"You guys don't observe, you spy and eavesdrop." Derek said grinning,

"Same idea." Marti said, grinning back.

"Casey really said all that Marti? She read my note? She still loves me?" Derek asked, elation taking over.

"Yes, and she broke up with Lucas. Which by the way means Lizzie wins a bet we were having. You let me down Derek; you were supposed to break up with Vanessa first." Edwin put in.

"You and Lizzie had a bet going about me and Casey?" Derek asked raising his eyebrows. Edwin shrugged. Derek laughed and turned back to Marti.

"Ok, I need to know exactly what else Vanessa said to Casey." he said. Marti sighed.

"Umm, ok, '_He has a stressful life; he needs someone to make it simpler, not some crazy woman making it more complicated_'," she recited in frighteningly good imitation of Vanessa, "and, '_I won't deny he probably wanted you last night But pre-wedding jitters will do that to a man, especially when some little blast-from-the-past slut throws herself at him_.'," Marti continued. Edwin smirked at this, "And my favorite, '_You keep those little notes, and I'll keep my diamond engagement ring and my fiancé and we'll all live happily ever after. You in you little fantasy world and me in reality._' She's a bitch Derek." Marti finished.

"Why didn't you just tell me?" Derek asked furious that Vanessa would say such things to Casey. Marti shot him a look of disbelief.

"Why?" she asked, "_I love her Marti! I'm happy Marti! Vanessa wouldn't lie to me. She's not that type."_ Marti mocked. Derek shook his head in amusement.

"You know it's kinda scary how good you are at that whole voices thing Marti." Edwin said sounding impressed.

"It is." Derek agreed. Marti grinned looking pleased with herself, "Fair enough. So basically you wanted back up because I'm a stubborn moron?"

"Pretty much. But I love you anyway Smerek." Marti said. He smiled and pulled her and Edwin into a huge hug. Then something occurred to him.

"Wait Edwin, is Lizzie really pregnant?" He asked.

"Yeah. We found out a few weeks ago." Edwin said, his face breaking out into a large genuine smile. "We'd been waiting for you and Casey to get it together before we came out of the relationship closet, seeing as how we're younger, but since you guys suck-"

"Don't think that just because I'm thrilled for you, and grateful for your intervention, I won't still beat you down. Because I will." Derek threatened playfully. Edwin grinned.

"I think we're going to get married in a year, after the baby comes. Lizzie is worried about being thin enough for her wedding dress." Edwin said, "And we didn't want to have to rush to plan it since we both have school to finish."

"Congratulations." Derek said, "I really am an idiot for not figuring you two out sooner aren't I?" He asked.

"Yes." Marti chimed in. "I've known for ages." she said.

He was about to tease her about spying again, when the front door opened. Vanessa walked in looking stressed. When she saw Edwin and Marti the room with Derek, she paled.

"Marti, how bout if you show me those pictures you were talking about earlier?" Edwin said, getting up and dragging Marti out of the room with him. Before he left he caught Derek's eyes and mouthed, "Good luck."

"Hi." Vanessa said fumbling with her coat and purse nervously.

"I just had the most fascinating conversation with my siblings." Derek said dryly.

"Oh?" Vanessa asked.

"Yeah." he said, standing up and crossing his arms, "First of all Vanessa, no one tells Marti what to do. She doesn't take orders, and she doesn't stand by and let her family members be deceived." he said.

"I-" Vanessa began but Derek cut her off.

"Second of all, I thought you had class. I never would have guessed you'd be the type to resort to all this lying." He said.

"And I never would have guessed you'd be the type to cheat on me with your step-sister." she said, "So I guess we were both mislead."

"I wasn't cheating. That implies a premeditated plan on my part, which isn't what happened, and I think you know that. Your scheme on the other hand, was planned out in advance. You deliberately hurt me and Casey. You said horrible things." he said.

"I was trying to save our relationship. You were trying to destroy it." she fired back.

"Did it ever occur to you that if you had to resort to lies like that to save our relationship then it probably wasn't worth saving?" he snapped.

"You don't mean that." she said quietly, looking afraid.

"I do mean that. Unlike you when I speak, what I say is true." he said.

"Like when you said you had a business meeting? Or all the times you had the chance to tell me about your past with Casey and you didn't?" Vanessa asked in the same quite tone.

"I'm not defending myself to you. There's no reason to. We're done." he said bluntly.

"She's your step-sister for Christ's sake Derek!" Vanessa said desperately.

"She is the love of my life, and you are my ex." He said.

"Derek-" Vanessa began,

"Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go find her and tell her that I love her too." he said, "Oh, and I'm going need you to start packing. I'm sure your Mommy and Daddy will be happy to have you back. Since I pay rent, and it's my name on the lease and all, you'll have to leave." he finished. Then he grabbed his coat and headed for the door.

"Derek-" she said again, pleadingly.

"Marti! Edwin!" he called, "I'm going to go see Casey."

"Ok!" they called back happily.

"Derek-" Vanessa said again, tears streaming down her cheeks. He turned and spared her one last look,

"Goodbye Vanessa" he said coldly. Then he turned and walked out the door. He had to find Casey.

* * *

End Chapter. I know Derek was a little harsh, but I see him as that type. Like maybe had she not plotted he could have been nice about the breakup, but since he has reason to be mad at her too, he's not backing down or showing her any sympathy. I hope you guys thought it was in character too-- 


	16. Deserving

**Author's Note:** I have mixed feelings about this. I hate to post with alerts down(they are down right? Its not just me?), but I really wanted to get this chapter out to you guys, and last time they were down for weeks. I knew I didn't want to wait that long. So yeah. I think the next chapter will be the last, although its possible I may have to write two more in order to wrap up all the things I want to wrap up.

We're finally back in Casey's PoV for this chapter. Its been absent from the last two on purpose. I really really hope you guys enjoy this chapter. I'm a little unsure about parts of it, but as a concept I like it a lot. So we'll see.

Thank you so much to all my amazing readers. I love you all. Your reviews warm my heart and encourage me to keep writing.

Enjoy.

* * *

Casey sat in her living room surrounded by dozens of shoe boxes and consumed with thoughts of Derek. She couldn't help but think that maybe this was some sort of sign. Maybe Vanessa's finding the note was the universe's way of letting her know she needed to move on. Maybe the fact that there was always someone to catch them, a parent then, a fiancé now, was sign it just wasn't meant to be, that it was always going to be wrong.

She sighed and stared at the boxes spread out in front of her. Her phone vibrated, but she ignored it. Lizzie had been calling all day long, and she just wasn't in the mood to hear anything besides her own thoughts. She hated that Vanessa had gotten to her. She hated the doubt she was now plagued with, she didn't think Derek would say those things about their past, but she wasn't positive. It hadn't felt like they were just caught in the heat of the moment, but she wasn't sure about that either. She thought maybe it was all a signal that it really was over this time. She had thrown him away years ago, what right did she have to ask for him back now?

She pulled the lid off and then reached a hand into the shoebox closest to her pulling out the top sheet. It was actually two post its stuck together, scrawl running front to back. It was the last note he'd ever written her. The note she'd found shoved under the door of her new apartment two weeks after she'd moved in.

_I'm gonna stop now Casey. I'm going to stop calling, stop writing, stop trying. This is the last message you'll get. I can't say I understand why you won't let me help you. I don't know why you can't see that we need each other right now. I can't understand why we can't do it together, the way we've done everything for five, no six years. Because even when we first met you SPOKE to me, and I always knew what was up with you. But now? I have no idea what you're thinking. But I do get the message, you won't even call me back, hell you moved across campus from me, I guess you didn't want to risk chance encounters huh? So yes, I'll give up. I love you Casey. I always have and lord knows I probably always will, but you want me gone. So from this point on, unless you contact me, there will be no communication between us. I promise. I wish this wasn't happening, but it doesn't seem to be within my control. Goodbye Casey._

The part that brought her to tears every time she read it, from that first day until this moment, was one little line, "_Unless you contact me first."_ It broke her heart, because he hadn't really given up at all. That line was hopeful. It always sounded pleading to her. "_Unless you contact me first-_ please, please call me Casey." The first time she'd read it, she almost broke down. It almost got through the walls she was building, almost convinced her she couldn't do it with out him, and almost convinced her to call him. She hadn't of course, and now it tortured her to think of what those weeks must have been like for him. What it must of have done to him to know she'd moved across campus. How his heart must have broken a little more each day she didn't call.

She had been an idiot, she had thrown him away. He said he understood now. He told her at dinner that he still didn't like it, but in retrospect he sort of understood what must have been going on in her head. His understanding made her hate herself for it even more. She didn't deserve him then or now. She had no right to ask for him back, to destroy his engagement, to stir up his life. She placed the last note back in its box then she pressed the power button on the paper shredder to her left, and listened to the whir of it coming to life. She told herself she had to. She had to let him go and learn how to be happy with out him. She was going to reread, and then shred, every single note. She reached her hands up to her face to wipe the tears that were already flowing. Then she took the lid off each box. She reached for the oldest box, the one with the notes from the beginning and picked out the top post-it. Her hand shook as she lifted it, and she was taking a deep breath to prepare herself to read it when her doorbell rang.

"Casey!" Derek's voice yelled from outside her door. Shocked, she stood up and opened the door. Derek looked disheveled and exhilarated on the other side. "Casey," he began before he was interrupted by Lizzie.

"Oh. You're here already." she said running down the hall towards Casey's door.

"Running late Liz?" Derek asked her, smirking.

"Yeah well, she hasn't picked up her phone all day! I didn't know where she was, and unlike Edwin, I didn't have someone on the inside to let me in. I finally figured I'd just take a chance and come on over." She said sounding annoyed as she arrived at the door. Casey stared at both of them, confused.

"Edwin hasn't talked to you in the last twenty minutes or so?" Derek asked.

"I got a text while I was driving over that said, 'victory'," Lizzie replied, and then smiled, "which I guess means I'm not needed here huh?" she asked, grinning at Derek.

"No I think I can handle it from here, thanks." Derek said, grinning back, while Casey stated at them stupidly.

"No problem." Lizzie said turning to walk back down the hall.

"Oh hey Lizzie, Congratulations!" Derek called, grinning. Lizzie stopped and turned back around.

"Thank you." she said, beaming, "hey, do me a favor and let me tell my sister that part later?" she asked. Casey's head was spinning, again. Lizzie was clearly trying to kill her.

"Of course." Derek said, smiling.

"Ok, I'm gonna go now." she paused, "Get it right for once will you?" she asked.

"I'll try." Derek said

"Bye Derek." She said, "Casey I'll call you later, answer your phone this time." Lizzie said, retreating down the hall.

"What, I don't-what?" Casey said unable to form a proper sentence. She leaned against her doorway, trying to make sense of the exchange she'd just heard between Derek and Lizzie.

"Hi Casey." Derek said, turning to her and smiling.

"What are you doing here? I thought?" she asked.

"I love you too." he said simply, walking past her and letting himself into her apartment.

"But, you didn't see my note" Casey said, turning to face him.

"Marti did." Derek said.

"Oh. But Vanessa-" Casey began.

"Lied to us both multiple times, and now she's gone," Derek said, cutting her off.

"Gone?" Casey asked.

"Gone." Derek affirmed.

"But, why?" Casey asked, staring at him. He smirked.

"I though we covered this already, but, ok. You're more important, I love you, and as it turns out, Vanessa is a scheming bitch." he said then his smile faltered as he glanced around the room for the first time, "Casey what? Is this? Are those what I think they are?" he said, staring at the shoeboxes.

"Post-its." she said with a small smile, "almost two thousand of them."

"You saved all of them?" he asked, sounding awed.

"I never could bring myself to get rid of them, they're like little pieces of you." she admitted.

"So then, what's with the shredder?" he asked pointing.

"I wasn't expecting you, and Vanessa said, so I thought," she said, wishing she could stop herself from rambling.

"Everything she said to you was a total lie. You know that don't you? Marti heard every word, all lies Case." he said.

"I do now," she said. He shook his head.

"You know, for someone who clings so stupidly stubbornly to her idea's on little things, you give up way too easy on the big ones." He said.

"Probably because I know I don't deserve them." she said, catching his eyes.

"Except actually, you do." Derek said seriously, "Because we deserve each other." She felt her pulse speed up. He took a few steps toward her, and they held each other's gaze for a long moment.

"You really broke up with her?" Casey asked her voice coming out slightly breathy.

"She told me your note said you were letting me go and that it was over, she tried to tell Marti what do to, she told you I said we were a mistake, and she called you a slut so-" he began, smiling.

"Actually I believe her exact phrase was, 'blast-from-the-past-slut'," Casey interjected, grinning. He laughed.

"Bitchy credit where credit is due," he said with a smirk, "So yeah, she's gone."

"Good," Casey said, still grinning, "and you love me?" she asked.

"Never stopped," he said, taking another step towards her so that the tips of their shoes where now touching.

"Good, I love you too." she said smiling, "I'm such an idiot."

"Yeah," he said reaching out to smooth back a strand of her hair, "you are."

"Hey!" she said, smacking him playfully then leaving her hand on his chest.

"Its ok, my siblings informed me today that I'm a stubborn moron who is blind to anything outside myself," he said with a grin, "and you obviously." he said placing a hand on her shoulder.

"So you're saying we make a good pair?" she said reaching her free hand over to grab his.

"A prefect pair," he said, lacing their fingers. She grinned.

"I still-" she began

"Casey shut up." he said running the hand that was on her shoulder down to touch her collar. She arched an eyebrow at him.

"Excuse me?" She asked, heart speeding up further as his fingers played with the upper hem of her shirt.

"Let's not talk any more." he said, leaning down to kiss her. She complied.

----

Later, her mind was filled with ridiculous overblown metaphors to describe what had just happened, because she was simply incapable of thinking about it in her own words, it was just too much. He was stretched lazily on her bed, and her body buzzed with a warm happy contentment. It was almost as though the past five years had evaporated with heat of their coupling. She couldn't remember ever feeling quite this blessed, this lucky, or this happy. She raised a hand to swipe away a tear that had escaped her eye, annoyed with herself for crying.

"_Do NOT cry." _She instructed herself firmly.

"Are you ok?" he asked.

"Shut up. I'm trying to will myself not to cry." she said.

"Like girl happy tears right?" he asked, propping himself up on his elbow to look at her.

"Yes. But everyone knows you can't cry. It's like a huge post-sex no." she said. He laughed.

"What? Are you afraid you're gonna scare me off? Cause I could swear we went over this already, the whole, 'I'm not going anywhere' thing. In fact, I was thinking of never moving from you bed again." he said with a grin.

"God dammit Derek." she said as more tears escaped her eyes. The idea that not only had this perfect moment happened today, but that he wasn't going anywhere, that they could keep having these moments, was more than she could bare. He shook his head and laughed again. Then he reached out and kissed her, wiping the tears off her cheeks with his thumb. She smiled, and deepened the kiss.

They did move from her bed eventually, but it took awhile. It took several hours and both of them calling off work again. She almost got up once to talk to Lizzie, but Derek told her that would take far too long, and that in this case, Lizzie would more than understand why she couldn't talk, and then pulled her back down into bed. It didn't really take that much persuasion.

* * *

End Chapter.

Like I said, there is more to wrap up, Casey and Derek are happy, but my side plots still need finished. Ah. Hope you guys liked this.


	17. Love doesn't follow Logic

**Author's Note:** This is quite possibly the fluffiest thing I've ever written in my life. Seriously. I'm don't even really like it. Its almost saccharine its so sweet. There is no angst, there's not even sex or swearing. Although there is Marti, who always makes everything a bit more fun.

Thank you to everyone who has stuck by me during this fic. I love you all, honestly. I'd list, but there is an overwhelming number of you. Again, the response this story has gotten has been amazing, I never expected, and I'm still a little shocked by it honestly. Its just stunning really. Overwhelming. Thank you again. I'm sad to see this story go. I've really loved writing it, and I'll miss it.

So, onto the sappiest ending ever. Really, I think after this I may need to go write that dark Dasey I have floating around my head, just to counteract all the fluffiness.

Oh-in case anyone wonders, the teams/company in the engagement announcement are real. Google is amazing, you can find out so much.

**Disclaimer:** You know, it's the strangest thing, it was mine in January when I started this, and now, months later its STILL not mine. Crazy isn't it?

* * *

November 28th 2017

_Dennis Macdonald of Toronto, is pleased to announce the engagement of his daughter(with the late Nora Macdonald), Lizzie Macdonald to Edwin Venturi, son of George Venturi and Abby Monroe, step son of Gretchen Venturi and the late Nora Macdonald all of London, ON. The Bride is a 2017 graduate or the University of Toronto with a degree in sports medicine. She was recently hired by the Toronto Rock Lacrosse Club. The Groom is also a 2017 graduate of the University of Toronto. He graduate with a degree in economics and was recently hired by Crescan Consulting. The couple resides in Toronto and are the proud parents of two-month-old Nora Rose Macdonald-Venturi. A December wedding is planned._

* * *

December 27th 2017.

Derek smiled to himself as he glanced around the room. It was a small wedding but the room still seemed full and lively. Edwin and Lizzie had laid down several rules for their big day, a main one being that no one was to ignore or try and avoid the step-sibling factor. Edwin told Derek it had taken them days to settle on the wording of their engagement announcement before deciding it was useless to try and cover anything up. They'd kept their relationship hidden for years, and now that it was their day, they wanted to celebrate it. Edwin had seemed confident telling Derek this, but Derek was sure that up until last night there had been one thing still making Edwin nervous. It was the same thing that had been eating at Derek despite how happy he'd been with Casey the past ten months- their father.

The four of them had decided to go together to break the news to George. He hadn't been angry; he hadn't screamed or yelled he'd just been quiet. It was almost like he had no reaction at all. His silence on the subject lasted for months. Even after little Nora was born in September, he didn't say a word about his sons' relationships. It was obvious he loved his granddaughter, and Derek was pretty sure that there had been tears in his eyes when he learned her name, but still he gave no comment. Then last night at Lizzie and Edwin's rehearsal dinner, he stood up to make a toast that put Derek and Edwin's fears to rest.

------

"_I'd like to make a toast to both my boys for showing excellent taste and having two amazing women in their lives. The pairs may be unconventional, and I admit I was shocked at first, although I can't say I didn't have my suspicions all along. When I look at the four of you tonight, all I can see is happy you make each other, and I couldn't be prouder of the choices you've made. I love all four of you very much. Congratulations Lizzie and Edwin."_

_Both Lizzie and Casey were crying when George say back down. Derek felt like a huge weight had been lifted. As soon as the meal ended, he and Casey cornered George._

"_Thanks Dad," Derek said, wrapping his dad in a huge hug. Casey did the same. _

"_Did you really have suspicions all along?" Casey asked pulling back from the hug._

"_Actually, your mother did." George said smiling at Casey._

"_Really?" Casey asked._

"_She always said her girls were a perfect match for my boys. I'd tell her she was crazy, and I'd list all sorts of logical reasons it wouldn't work. She'd laugh at me, and tell me love didn't follow logic. She would have loved to see this." He said smiling sadly. Derek reached out and squeezed Casey's hand. _

"_I'm going to see my granddaughter one more time before I leave, I'll see you two in the morning," George said, pulling them both into a hug._

"_I told you she always suspected us." Derek whispered to Casey after George walked away._

"_This is one of the rare times I'm really glad you were right." she said, tears forming in her eyes. _

"_Love doesn't follow logic," Derek repeated thoughtfully, "I like that."_

"_My mom was smart that way." Casey said._

"_Yes. She was," Derek said, before pulling her into a long tight hug and just letting her cry for awhile._

_--------_

Derek grinned down at his father from the wedding party table. George was rocking little Nora, while Gretchen sipped her wine and looked a little confused. Derek had to admit he felt a little sorry for Gretchen; they weren't exactly a normal family. The music stopped suddenly, and the DJ announced it was time for speeches. Derek turned his attention to the microphone Marti was making her way towards. She looked beautiful in her soft green bridesmaid dress. Her hair was all up in curls, and was for once a semi-normal color, red, not a red that was found in nature, but for Marti, it was as close to natural as it got. She reached the microphone and gave the crowd a huge smile before beginning her speech.

"When I was thinking of what to say to Lizzie and Edwin and all of you today, I went and I sat in that old games closet. I figured if I was going to think about you two, there was no better place to be. That room still feels like you guys. I could almost see you in there, conferring, plotting, and giggling. You two have always been a team, almost from the day you met. You guys made a great team, the best really. So it seems fitting, prefect even that you've chosen to team up for the rest of your lives, for better, for worse, forever." She paused and smiled at Lizzie and Edwin before continuing. "When Nora died, I remember being afraid that Lizzie and Casey would go away forever too. I'm glad I was wrong, and I want to thank you, Edwin and Lizzie, for making me feel like I have a whole family again. Don't get me wrong, I've always had the best brothers and father a girl could ask for, but I'm sure Gretchen would agree, that's a lot of testosterone. It was always missing something, and now? I've got a niece, and a sister. I love you Lizzie and Edwin. Congratulations guys!" she said, smiling again and returning to her seat.

Derek noticed most of the crowd was in tears. Marti was good. He smiled as Casey made her way up to the microphone. As always, he was struck with how gorgeous she was. The green dress made her dark hair and eyes shine, and that tear shaped pendant he'd given her all those years ago, sparkled under the lights. She looked a little shaky as she reached the microphone, but she recovered quickly.

"Well," she began, "I'm not sure it's fair that I have to follow Marti, but I'll try. When I first found out about Lizzie and Edwin, I was surprised, but looking back, I can see that was foolish of me. You two complement each other amazingly well. Some of my coworkers have asked me if it bothers me that my little sister is getting married before me, and the honest answer is no, not at all. Not just because I'm so happy for her, but because it makes sense. Lizzie has always been more level headed than I was, more logical and reasonable. Sometimes when we talk I feel like she is older than me. People have mentioned how young they are, but they're both mature beyond their years. Lizzie is smart, beautiful and one hundred percent ready to be an amazing wife and mother. Edwin is her perfect match in every way, smart, handsome and mature, and I am certain they will have a wonderful life together, filled with laughter and happiness. I love you both. Congratulations." Casey finished, wiping a stray tear from her cheek as she returned to her sear.

Derek smiled to himself; thinking of the day Casey had found out Lizzie was pregnant. There had been a lot of girly shriek and squeals and planning and talking of pink and blue. He and Edwin hid in the other room while Casey and Lizzie had a long sisterly talk. After Casey asked a few concerned questions about Lizzie's age and finishing school and if Lizzie was sure she was ready and received satisfactory answers from Lizzie, they moved to happy conversation of baby and wedding plans. A conversation that had seemed endless until a few days ago when all the wedding details fell into place.

The four of them had been almost inseparable in the months leading up to the birth and wedding, and Derek ad was thrilled at how close he and Edwin had become. It was amazing how much could change in less than a year. He had Casey, he had a renewed bond with Edwin and Lizzie, he saw Marti more often, and he had the most beautiful baby niece in the world. Really, life had been good to Derek Venturi lately. The best it had been since Nora died. Today was just making it even better.

He stood up to give his speech, and he noticed Lizzie and Edwin grinning like kids at Christmas. They were practically bouncing in their seats. He shook his head at them; they could have tried better to hide it. They knew what he was planning, he'd had to get their permission after all, it was their wedding. He grinned at the crowd as he stood at the microphone, then he gave a deep breath and began his speech.

"Lizzie and Edwin are amazing. They've filled this room with some of the greatest people I've ever known. They've brought people together, they've given this family a new life, and seeing her makes it a little easier on all of us that we're missing someone very special today. Nora would have loved this, I can just see her, running around making sure every last flower was perfectly arranged and making sure everyone was having a good time. She'd be telling everyone all about where Lizzie's dress came from, and she'd be showing off the baby any chance she got. Last night my father passed on something that Nora said, and I'd like to share it with all of you," Derek paused and looked out at the crowd, "Love doesn't follow logic. I like that, and I think that it's fitting today. Edwin and Lizzie may not be logical, but they are perfect for each other. My brother has certainly met his match in Lizzie, she keeps him in line. They fit together, and since we were kids, it was rare to see one of them without the other. Now they have a wedding and baby, tangible signs of the unity that's always been there, and I'm thrilled for them." He paused again and cast a glace at Edwin, who shot him a thumbs up, before continuing.

"I'm also indebted to them, because they've agreed to let me take up their time and some of their spotlight tonight. In fact, as soon as I suggested it as a possibility, they informed they weren't going to let me speak at all unless I did what I'm about to do. Casey," he said, turning to look at her, "it's been less than a year since I got you back, but those months have been the best months of my life. I've gained so much, and I can only think of one thing that could possibly make it any better. Will you marry me?" he asked, dropping on one knee in front of the entire reception hall, and producing an engagement ring from his pocket. She nodded rapidly.

"Of course." she said, standing up and walking over to him. He slipped the ring on her finger, then stood up and kissed her. Now, everything was perfect.

The end.

* * *

See? I told you it was sappy. 


End file.
